Maybe, I know, deep in my soul...

暗闇のささやき - Whispers In The Dark - 1

2008-11-01T04:15:54Z

People say that the best way to move on is to first stumble along in the darkness for a little while.
...I don't know who said this.
But clearly when they did they were still lost in the darkness and had no way of knowing what was coming out of their mouth.
Besides...

How does one really know when their out of the darkness?

It was late that afternoon when Johnny called.
I'd taken a paid vacation for the weekend away from JANE...from work, from dramas, from writing, from everything.
I had free time finally.
Time to breath.
Best of all...
I was to spend it with two people I admired and was slowly learning could help me through the darkest periods of my life...
Teppei and Wentz.
After all, it seemed to me like I was still stumbiling along in the darkness...
No, that much I'm certain of.
I was still stumbiling a long.
I didn't know when I'd get out...because like I said,
How do you know when it's over?

"Things end you know." Wentz says as he puts his luggage in the rack above our heads.
He's more of a fool then many people I know ~~and I know a lot of fools~~.

"Sure, but when you do you know their actually over?" I test him, he rolls his eyes and takes my bag from me, pushing it up onto the rack.

"Alright, I'll tell you how they end." snickered Wentz, with a lurch the bags are up and he sits back down in his seat. Teppei has nodded off since he's been to interviews, dramas, and photoshoots all day before we'd caught our train. Wentz leans forward in a whisper, urging me to listen carefully... "It's just like fairytales, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah...Fairytales? Like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty?"

Wentz's eyes flicker with that bright mischief that girls flaunt over and I lean back in my seat, sending the snore Teppei snorts out a eye roll, Wentz chuckles...but I can only stare out the window. "Life isn't a fairytale."

"No, it isn't." agreed Wentz, "But life is funny...it works it weird ways doesn't it?" he smiled to himself, "I'll tell you right now, I never would of guessed I'd be working with a guy like this." he nodded to Teppei.

"Yeah." smiled Cashel, She'd heard this story before, "Good for both of you, really...What I'm saying is life doesn't work like that for most people." she watched the trees pass and tried to find the right words, "...people like me."

When she looked back she had to sigh in annoyance, Wentz was asleep. The dick didn't even wait for her to finish, he said his peace and was out like a light next to Teppei...

Cashel groaned and quickly rose to cover them both with a blanket and lay back in her seat, watching the scenery go by... First time, she didn't have to think about JANE, about Yabu, about her brothers, her sisters, her family...she could breathe.

She could stumble around in the darkness.
Alone.

How does someone know when the darkness ends?
the tunnel seemed to swallow the train then.
Wrapping them in it's void.
She could no longer see the scenery, green trees or blue sky.
Only that encroaching void.
Worse was thinking like that.
She was a depressing person,
or so she constantly believed.
Still that circling darkness-
Swallowing her and blocking out any and all light so she couldn't see, she wanted to scream-

"Cashel?" she jumped and looked over to see Teppei and the woman with the food cart looking at her-

"Uh, no thanks." she wasn't in the mood to eat.

"Two sandwiches, please." smiled Teppei, Wentz was across from him, still asleep.
She smiled to herself...

"It's nice of you to get one for Wentz." the grin continued on Teppei, it was always refreshing to see such good honest pure loyalty.
...it wasn't something the world had much left.

Teppei blinked, first at her then the sandwiches in his hands.
"Uh, ano...it's not?" he smiled nervously.

"Eh?" blinked Cashel, "You're eating both of those?" she laughed-

"Both?" frowned Teppei, "Well no...I got one for you-"

"Boys and their appetites!" Cashel stretched and accidentally whacked Wentz in the nose-

"OW - FUUC-" Wentz shot up, glanced around and grinning took one of the sandwiches from Teppei, "Thanks!" he devoured it.

Teppei just shook his head at him-
He looked over to laugh with Cashel at the sauce all over Wentz's face-
But she stared quietly out the window again.
Pale as before...
The same reason he'd gotten the sandwiches to begin with...
In hopes of interrupting her thought and thus unhappy aura.

As the train pulled into the station, a low hiss seemed to pass all around them upon disembarking from the steam engine.

"Listen to that engine!" grinned Wentz, trudging along ahead of them.

"Sounds funny..." Teppei murmured but when the wide eyed scared out of her mind look Cashel gave him he quickly took it back, "Probably the engine!"

"Ah, hai." Cashel nodded, shoulders slunk down, she wandered forward.

Teppei pouted, how could he win?
She didn't want a horror story...
But she also didn't want anything that couldn't keep her mind off whatever was bothering her.
"Teppei: zero, Cashel: Two" he grumbled.

"Why are we here again?" Cashel frowned around the quiet expanse of what looked to be a run down-on-it's-luck suburban Japanese town...Of course you could only see so far. Blurs in the fog ahead hinted at what could only be buildings and the fog only seemed to envelope them as they walked...making it hard to even see that much.
Out of all the places for a vacation.
Why, oh why not take Shii up on that getaway to Hawaii...
The sun, the sand, the sea-

"Well the name caught my attention!" beamed Wentz, standing on what looked to be a broken down, tipped over on it's side car...

"What was it?" Teppei eyed his best friend wearily hoping this was...a joke. He was all for a nice hotel and pool.

Wentz swung out his arms from atop the tipped over car and yelled in his loud obnoxious voice,

"PARADISE CITY!"

With a snap lights flickered on, not only reflecting the growing fog but blinding all three of them temporarily...until slowly, very slowly Teppei opened his eyes...

He could make out a junkyard...
Cars piled up around, them abused, broken...shattered.
Old dishwashers, sinks, torn clothes...
However for all the mess, Teppei couldn't help but notice the lack of flies...
as if this place was to dirty even for them...
Like there was something here they couldn't bring themselves to touch...
Something else...

"Who the hell are you?" boomed a man's voice from above them, near the lights, "What the hell do you want?"

"Um, ano...we came to visit?" Teppei stammered and stepped forward, still guarding his eyes. However, Cashel moved forward and pushed him out of the way, glaring up at what looked to be a guard tower with the light posed in it.

"We're visiting! Why don't you turn that damn thing off?"
Silence followed her shriek-
a long silence that left them all twittering.

"We should run soon if-" Wentz murmured to them when-

With another snap the lights steamed off...
The fog seemed to return heavily. A few seconds later footsteps echoed before them until through the fog a young man...
With tanned skin, perhaps from working in the yard on days when the sun was actually out. Unruly brown hair and a slightly outgrown mustache and beard.

"Hey?" Wentz offered when the man said nothing. He just moved a little closer, hands shoved in his pockets, T-shirt stained with what could be grease...

"You guys ain't from around here, are ya?" the man finally concluded in a dangerously casual manner that made Teppei take a huge step back, grabbing Cashel's wrist and taking her with him.

Wentz however, quite obviously couldn't take a hint. He stepped up, hands in his pockets. Making fun of the man as he replied in the same mysterious dark husky voice, "We ain't, we're vistin, buddy."

The man growled and glared harshly at Wentz who squirmed and backed up slightly...

"Way to go, Wentz.." Cashel grumbled, still hiding behind Teppei who was currently shaking in his boots.

"I thought if I could speak like him...he'd let me go." Wentz pouted.

"Well did it work, genius?" Cashel hissed.

"Enough!" snapped Teppei, his voice only taking on that sharp tone when it came to situations that frightened him...

Still that man stood there eyeing them...his lips quirked up in a sneer.

"Sir, could you maybe tell us...where the nearest hotel is?" Teppei offered, he was of course acting mature since Cashel and Wentz didn't have that in them.

"Hotel?" snickered the man crudely, "Ah-" he stopped his face paling...his head snapped around-

"What? Sir?" Teppei frowned-

"Shush!" he snarled and all of them fell silent...

"Hear...that?" Cashel whispered, gripping her fingers together tightly and turning pale as she dug her feet into the dirt, "...what is it?"

Wentz gripped her arm tightly and shook like a unscrewed nail...

"It's..." the man whispered...

Hear the whispers...

It was like chains...
But a hiss.
A low cowering hiss...
Cashel closed her eyes and swallowed as it grew closer.
Her stomach felt itself twinge and she looked to Teppei ahead of her...

"We should leave."

"Why?" Teppei snapped and looked back at her with annoyance on his face, "It's nothing...just the train leaving and-"

"You said it sounded funny before-" Cashel argued-

"Idiots!" spat the man and as once again the chains neared them.
Passing in and out...
Like someone who was chained down was running back and forth brushing a stick against rot iron gates.
The echo in the fog sunk into your very skin and heart.
Until you we're sweating as bad as Wentz.

"It's..." the man uttered and slowly took a step back as he seemed to see something in the fog-

Cashel just peered through a sure enough, a flick of what looked like a white shirt and pale skin snuck by and suddenly by...a person running...

"Who's there?" Shouted Wentz, his teeth so loud as the grinded against each other-

"Damn..." the man seemed to look at them and then...overhead they heard it a growing urgent siren coming across the whole town...the chains tried to grow louder and overcome it.

The man took one last solemn look at them and tore off into the fog-

"No, stop!" screamed Teppei-

"We have to move!" Cashel gasped as the sirens blarred around them- but as soon as they'd come...it all diminished...

until even the low brush of the chains disappeared into the darkness.

"What...on earth?" Teppei crumpled to the ground still shaking, Cashel knelt down next to him...giving him a comforting hug.

"...urgh." growled Wentz, "I swear those guys!"

"Eh?" Teppei and Cashel looked up at him, "Wentz?"

"Using those special effects before I can tell you!" he stamped his foot and puffed out his chest...

"S-special effects?" blinked Teppei, moving quickly he slightly shoved Cashel aside so she landed on her butt as he positioned himself in front of Wentz, "What do you mean? You know something..."

"It was fake, man." Wentz yawned, "Obviously."

"Obviously?" whispered Teppei turning to see Cashel staring up at him, wide eyed with annoyance and shock, "Not at all! You we're scared-"

"Haha!" Wentz rolled his eyes, "We tricked ya!"

"Tricked us?" Cashel pushed herself up from the dirt ground in the junkyard and grabbed Wentz's neck line, "You better have a good explanation buddy or your fans are really going to be missing the W in WaT."

"Hahhaaaa...ano..." Wentz glared at Cashel, "We...came here for more then just vacation..."

"More then just..." blinked Teppei, pulling Cashel away from possibly killing Wentz.

"It's a drama, Teppei!" laughed Wentz cheerfully, "You and me, man!"

"Us?" Teppei's mouth fell open, "I thought this was a break and..."

"Yeah! Teppei has worked too hard for you to drop this on him." Cashel spat as Teppei tried very hard to keep her from strangling the other and committing homicide.

"It's just a drama..." laughed Teppei, "I can do it no problem!"

"Yeah, the teams waiting for us!" Wentz nodded and picked up his and Teppei's bags...Teppei grabbed Cashel's and moved along...

Cashel glared after them but as she was about to catch up she stopped...

...Goodbye.

she flinched and stopped to look around and pouted...
No, no more jokes.
She nodded to herself still bottom lip stuck out.

...goodbye.

Enough was enough.
She stomped off after Teppei and Wentz, their laughter easy to hear ahead.

In the darkening fog behind her a young man stepped out dressed in a rather cool black trenchcoat, his cool black eyes watched her off and yet he smiled to himself as if knowing something no one else did...

"Well, you came...thank you Wentz. I knew you'd hear my offer out in the end..."

Yabu Kota chuckled to himself into the cold night air, he knew nothing of chains or whispers...he had a plan and this was where it would all come undone...for one young man.

The Truth Comes Out...

"Hey guys!" Wentz waved happily to the entire staff who we're currently hauled up in what looked like the biggest building in all of Paradise City...It seemed to also be the only apartment building and the outside of it wasn't any better then the inside...

Couches strewn about and heavily tinged with substances Cashel was too afraid to ask about. Broken and covered up doors and glass windows that no doubt from the outside we're hallowed out...

"What suicidal idiot would stay here?" Cashel mused looking around the studio apartment room which was completely sunken just like the lobby...

"Us." said Teppei swiftly putting down his luggage near what either was or could be a bed...

"I kind of have to go to the bathroom..." Wentz stretched.

"I don't suggest it man, toilet is nasty." laughed one of the make up artists.

"Eh?" Wentz freaked-

"Aw, does Wentzy find lack of toilet scary?" purred Cashel-

"Don't call me Wentzy..." he growled and passed her unzipping his pants-

"KEEP THEM ON UNTIL YOU GET TO THE BATHROOM!" Cashel shouted after him, furious-

"YOU'RE JUST MAD CAUSE YOU AIN'T SEEN A LOT OF THESE RECENTLY-" he shooed her off...

"Idiot..." Cashel murmured, Teppei stayed quiet and nodded when one of the other staff members handed him a big black case, "Hey...we ran into a guy earlier..." Cashel remembered suddenly and looked to the head stylist...

"Ah, yeah! He's a citizen here...Creep, huh?" laughed the head camera man.

"Eh...he seemed a little frightened." Cashel mumbeled honestly...

"Well, it's scary! Having your town infested with..." the camera man paused for dramatic effect, "camera crews!"

"Ahh!" laughed everyone else...

Except Teppei who was pulling out a camera from the little black box the head camera man gave him, "EH?!" he demanded, standing up to face him, "Why...are you giving this too me?"

"You didn't hear?" blinked the make up artist, "We're leaving in an hour or so!"

"EH?" Cashel and Teppei turned on her...

"Well yeah," Wentz came back out, rezipping his pants, "I mean...this is a filmed by us drama!"

"Filmed by us..." Cashel repeated, putting a finger to her lips, "Why..."

"Because the fans have been asking for it! You guys are clever! We want a drama made by you guys...by yourselves. Each of you can have a camera." the man nodded to the three on the table.

"A...camera." Teppei rolled it around his hands, they shook a little, "...about that. You guys weren't testing out any special effects?"

"Nah! Why bother?" laughed the camera man, "I mean we don't need 'em. This is up too you guys!"

"That's why this town is in the state it's in." Cashel gasped it all hitting her, "To give the mood!"

"Yup! A haunted abandoned town is easy to work with, neh?" smiled the make up artist putting down the last of their essentials.

"What about food?" Teppei asked thinking ahead, "I mean...what will we eat?"

"Diner is down the street. They offered free meals so long as we pay proceeds from the film to them!" nodded the camera men hoisting up his luggage, "We'll be going now!"

"Eh- Wait!" Cashel couldn't help but feeling something was off, "If there are no special effects...before there was-"

"We're gonna be late! Let's go-" the camera man, make up artist, head stylist, and other members of staff left the room and said no more...

Wentz turned to the table and picked up his camera, "Guess...we better get some rest! Shooting starts soon, huh?"

He skipped off to the part of their demented suite in haste and Cashel collapsed down on the cracked apart sofa, eyes on the floor...her camera untouched.

"You okay?" Teppei asked in the silence that followed, neither of them had had time alone...and now Teppei hated seeing her like this, "I know this isn't the vacation you would of liked..."

"It's fine. Really." Cashel nodded honestly to herself, "I just need to think things through..."

"About?" Teppei blinked, was this it? Was she finally going to tell him...what was bothering her...

"You...him..." she stared ahead, and then slowly got up from the couch...Teppei thought she was going to walk away again like she always did when this conversation started but instead she opened the blinds and a blacony connected to their apartment opened up into the fog before them, "...and me." she admitted, biting her lip... the fog was as clouded as her head. Perfect fit. Situational irony at it's finest.

"You, me...him..." mumbeled Teppei readjusting the lens, "Who...?"

"That's in the past now." she turned away and swallowed, "We didn't imagine before...did we?"

Teppei snorted and got up from the couch, putting the camera down, "Like always you change the subject." he grunted and marched into his room...

"...You have no idea..." she turned back to the balcony and swallowed, head and mind reeling, she needed fresh air.

She left the apartment and knew she'd find her way back.
Camera in hand.
She'd find her way back...

Still the question remained as she walked the streets of this...
Paradise City...

How does one find their way out of darkness?

Little did she know...
In the shadows of that very darkness someone was watching her...
with the answer she needed.

JANE's Love Story Fairytale - Chapter 1

2008-10-29T22:48:11Z

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts...

Her fingers curled around the cool stone of the marble beams holding up the castle walls, from afar she could hear the church's chime.

Ding, ding, ding...ding.

Peacefully it reminded her that father was late returning home. She slunk up against the stone pillar she'd be resting her hand against. Awaiting his return seemed to be her latest venture. There wasn't much to do as the next in line for marriage...Princess or not...she'd rather rot.

The green of her bodice heaved out in front of her, she was tired and a low rumble told her that she was also hungry...

"This damn corset..." she whined and swung her head back against the marble pillar but then-

The sound of trumpets and the gallop of horse hooves made her eyes snap open and she moved once more to stare down into the garden below. The fountain was of angels and cherbs, something mother had adored when she'd been alive... Around it were only white colored flowers, since father insisted that his darling daughters were the beautiful colorful flowers of his palace...

"Old man..." she growled as his pristine white horse entered the courtyard, behind him came the dark black horses of the boys of the family. Father rarely had them come here from the castle on the other side of the city. The boy's palace remained apart from ours simply because it was not proper for betrothed prince and princess to be in the same home until...marriage.

At the 'm' word, bile rose in her throat...
Or perhaps it was due to the young man dismounting his steed. His black hair, stunningly handsome features and obvious prince attire did nothing for the look of absolute disgust on her face.

"My dear boy, Yabu-kun!" laughed the king, Johnny himself.

"Sire..." bowed Yabu and smiled warmly at him, "I see the time draws closer for my marriage..."

"It is." smiled Johnny back, "But unfortunately your betrothed is rather under the weather-"

"Yes, I detest seeing your ugly face." she spat to herself behind the marble pillar.

Yabu sneezed and rubbed his nose nervously, "I see my lord...Well I also came with word from the others." he handed Johnny the massive piece of parchment...

Johnny eyed him and unraveled it, "A proclamation? ...for a ball?" blinked Johnny surprised, "Whatever for my boy?"

"...We all do wish to see them together...as we once did as children, sir?" Yabu bowed again but his eyes kept on that vigurous push.

"Yes, yes...a party...I suppose it would do." Johnny snapped the proclamation shut and nodded, "I shall sign it!"

"Thank you, sire! The others will be pleased!" Yabu bowed a few more times.

"You idiot...raise your head, be strong...Honestly, why would I ever marry a man who's so weak..." She turned from the sight...this proclamation would be of great news to her sisters...she best deliver it quickly.

"I hope Cashel feels better." bowed Yabu again and beamed, "Tell her I shall return for her and our marriage counsel soon!"

"Yes, yes! Fantastic!" chuckled King Johnny and Yabu remounted his black stallion and took out the gate, trumpets blaring behind him.

"Ah?" Heli blinked as the third eldest daughter ran headlong into her, "Nani, Cashel-chan? Where on earth are you going in such a hurry?"

"Oh...uh..." Cashel laughed and ran a nervous hand through her gold brown curls, laughing nervously, "Just to see all of you guys!"

"Ah, really? You disappeared on us again...but Milla didn't think anything of it since you do that quite often." Heli brushed some invisible dirt from her black dress, it was a proper one for a princess...but that didn't mean she liked it. She preferred to be outside the walls of the palace, like she had been able to do years and years ago...

But the minute Hikaru had become a prince up beside Yabu-kun and Inoo-kun...he'd changed. Those trips stopped and even there normal visits disappeared...

"Either way, I'm back!" smiled Cashel and patted her sister on the shoulder, "Don't play to dirty, okay?" she joked and raced past her-

Heli puffed out her cheeks and thought to herself, after all Cashel was joking to the time she'd returned in her tattered black play dress, completely covered in mud and gunk. Hikaru had insisted on a mud battle and well...

"I hardly play dirty." she pouted and then turned around, blinking, since Cashel was now gone.

She shrugged and scratched the back of her neck, "Well it seems best to go back." Heli skipped down the hall and into the third staircase, she knew would lead to the little alcove where she and her sisters held meetings.

The alcove was a bit more cramped then there bedrooms...
but it was useful.
You needed a key to get in and each sister wore theres on a necklace around there neck.

Heli propped her key from the black strand of cloth that hung around her neck and pushed it into the keyhole, with a quick turn she kicked the door open...

"Ah- Heli! We've begun! Sit!" Milla motioned sitting back against the wall.

The room was still rustic and bold in appearance but it had that touch that only containing 9 young girls could give it...smell of a sweet incense that smelled like apples...and tiny tapestries sewn and designed by Rory and Riley hung on the walls...The fireplace crackled to life with flames as she plopped down on one of the white couches...

"What's going on?" Heli blinked around and everyone pursed there lips...no one wanted to be the first to spill the secret and be called a 'tattle tale'.

Finally Riley couldn't take it anymore...

"A ball!" she gasped, her red robes shaking with the same fierce energy she gave off.

Mel clapped her hands so her golden sleeves dangled around her wrists.

"It's so exciting..." whispered Erika to herself, hand placed over her lips and she smiled to herself...

"Ehhh?" Rory poked the young girl dressed in her purple as usual, "You are excited about a social event, Erika?"

"B-but...I'll see...Yamada...right?" she blushed and lowered her head for thinking of such a thing.

"Of course you will." sniffed Rory, smiling and meeting Heli's eyes so both of them could roll their's.

"We'll see all the princes." said Melissa promptly, nodding to herself as she leaned against the floor, belly down, feet in the air, "...I'm assuming they wish to remind us who's incharge?"

"Most likely..." grumbled Cashel meeting Milla's eyes...

Heli knew the older sisters had there own opinions when it came to the princes...but she truly was excited. This meant she could see Hikaru again...seeing Hikaru meant she could push him into taking her out into the city again...and then they could play in the mud...or not...

"Either way...Yabu delivered the message." Cashel said stiffly...

"Ah!" laughed Heli, clapping her hands, face lighting up immediatly as she pointed at Cashel...her face growing red, "That's what you were running away from!"

"Shut up-" Cashel snapped-

"Now, now...no need for such language." tsked Mel, out of amusement at the others torture...

"Mrgh..." Cashel groaned sinking down by the fire.

"Well it's pathetic you can't even get it together." sniffed Kathy, standing up, she uncreased any wrinkles in her mandarin orange gown and sneered at down at Cashel, "Listen carefully, princess she sounded it out so it seemed like an insult... "You'll be the next to marry..." Kathy sent Milla and Mel a pitying glance, "If you can surpass your older sisters to actually get a proposal...otherwise we're all in trouble."

"I know that but-" Cashel argued-

"But Cashel-chan doesn't want to marry Yabu-kun!" sang Mel, "She hates him and he probably wouldn't have much luck even getting her into his arms let alone his bed-"

"Anyway-" cut in Milla, as Cashel cowered further into the corner, "If this whole proposition is so important to you Kathy why don't you go out and get Takaki and Inoo to propose to us."

Kathy sent Milla a nasty glare, "Isn't that your job, sister?" she spat.

"...I've tried, my dear. But those boys are far to childish." Mel chided, in reminding her that both had passed the age of 18...the offical age to be married.

"Well," spat Kathy, ripping the key from around her neck, "It seems pointless to keep it quiet-"

"Kathy?" blinked everyone-

"I'm running away." Kathy announced, throwing the key to the stone floor, it clattered with an echo around the alcove, "Keito-kun has promised me a good life...away from all this shit."

"Again, no need for such words!" chuckled Mel.

"And...how do you suppose you'll get away with this?" asked Milla cooly.

Kathy smirked and crossed her arms, "Keito and I have a way out...the old gate in the garden...you know the one?"

"...that thing. It's so old." frowned Erika, blinking up at her...

"but...even old things can open with the right reasoning and sound." purred Melissa, rolling around on the floor, so her bright canary yellow dress got a little more dirt on it...

"...right." Milla ignored Melissa as was only proper for the spacey one out of the group, "You can try, honey. But that thing needs a proper key..and you don't have it."

"Hmph." Kathy held up her head and stomped out of the room.

"...How did she get a man again?" asked Rory innocently.

"...ugh." Heli grunted.

"Ahem," Mel giggled and leaned over the banister down onto the ballroom floor. How was it possible...That her father, such a despicablly unsound old man, had been capable of bringing all these young people here...

Milla took the spot next to her, leaning against the banister and spoke the answer, "It seems the men are here to see the 'pretty young flower daughters' and the women are here to see 'the handsome buff princes' of the king..." she tsked.

"Too bad they'll be disappointed to see Takaki..." giggled Mel, she loved picking on her betrothed...even when he wasn't around to stick up for himself.

"Well..I'd say the same for Inoo...but clearly both of them have there own battles to win with us..." Milla frowned, laying her chin on her palm, and staring dreamily forward.

Mel eyed her curiously, "It's not like you to gaze off like that Milla...what's the matter?"

Milla huffed, "I wonder why he won't propose..."

Mel nodded and straightened her gold gown, it was perfect in every way, heavily crafted and beaded...let alone the embroidery had taken years once she'd hit 10...to have her new ball gown made. But like most things it felt in her life, the princess's perfect dress was merely a pretty shell of the mess the actual person wearing it was.

"I wish I knew the answer..." admitted Mel sadly, "But I suppose Takaki..." she sent Milla second glance, "And Inoo have there reasons?"

"Yes, yes...I suppose. But it's troubling the family..." Milla looked around the room and then suddenly straightened up and frowned...

"What is it?" asked Mel, looking around quickly, her hair flipping about her face as she tried to find the danger-

"Cashel...she's not here."

"Eh?" Mel gasped and looked for her sister, the next in line to wed... She spotted Erika, purple gown blooming around her...Silver cascaded about Rory making her sparkle...Prince Yuto offered a beaming in bright yellow Melissa a glance of water...Bekah was skipping around with Prince Chinen in her light pink gown...Riley was being twirled around by Prince Ryutaro in her blood red dress...Heli in all her black gowned glory marched up to them looking furious-

"SHE'S DONE IT AGAIN." she gasped for air, since she'd clearly run with all her might up the stairs-

"Who?" frowned Mel, was this a guessing game?

"Cashel of course..." Milla grumbled looking Heli over and then hissing, "Make yourself look proper! Prince Hikaru is coming!"

Heli yelped and quickly adjusted her tiara and hair, turning around so her black gown swiveled about her, she curtsied...

"Hey..." Hikaru looked her over and chuckled, "Good afternoon..."

"Ano..." Heli nodded and eyed him curiously, "Is there a reason you came up here?"

"Yabu...Er-" Hikaru seemed to have realised how ridiculous he looked, "Yabu-kun told me to tell you he saw Cashel racing out after Princess Kathy to the garden's...er..."

"I see..." Milla grumbled, her sister could be far to concerned and wrapped up in other people's issues when it never concerned her.

"We'll go get her!" Mel cooed and grabbed Milla's arm dragging them both away from the awkward couple of Prince Hikaru and poor Heli.

"Think there's a chance he'll pop the question to her?" asked Mel as they moved out to the back door of the library, to the gardens...

"Hikaru? Please, the boy needs to be given orders from Yabu before he does anything." grumbled Milla, pushing open the garden entrance's doors and swiveling out into the summer night air...

"I told you it's not fair-" Cashel gasped, "Leaving all of this on me! I know it's partially my fault, I get that! But you have to come back! You can't leave-"

"I told you...Keito has promised me a free life-" Kathy's voice rose over the fountain's hum and the low roar of the ballroom music inside...

"And what if something happens?" Cashel snapped, "What if you get hurt? Or trip? Or catch the flu! Who'll take care of you?"

"First of all, this is hardly any of your business." spoke Kathy icily, "Second of all, you need to get over this concept of helping other people...you wanna care about someone right now? Think of Bekah!" Kathy swung her hands out toward the ballroom where no doubt the girl in question was giggiling in Chinen's arms... "Think of her!"

"I am-"

"Are you?" Kathy eyed Cashel...This whole time Milla and Mel stayed quiet watching with curiosity...

"Yes! My sisters are important-"

"But not important enough to stop hating Yabu! To throw that to the wind and marry him for all of our sakes!" Kathy spat, "I could of been married to Keito by now!"

"I'm sorry...I just...I can't marry him, Kathy...I just can't. Please.." Cashel was lost for words and her defeat was evident.

"Well then I'll be leaving." Kathy said stiffly and turned to the two eldest, "I leave this pathetic excuse for a sibling in your care."

"Kathy-"

"ACIIIIIIIK!" Kathy screeched as did Cashel as a sudden downpour of water struck out at both of them-

Everyone spun around to see that the noise had also come from a guitar..it looked like the simple instrument was now broken in half and a boy's crys of pain issued from the fountain...

"I-itte..." he whimpered, rubbing his head...

"WHY YOU PIECE OF-"

"No need for such language!" remarked Mel quickly, Milla, and Cashel rushed to pull him out of the fountain...

"Arigatou..." he cried and finished rubbing his head...

"Ano...is this yours?" Cashel handed him the guitar pic, it had landed at her feet...

"Ah, hai! Thank you!" he beamed and took it, then as if remembering something he spun around and yelped at the sight of his guitar...now laying in the fountain...broken in half... "It's...He broke it..."

"Eh?" Milla blinked, "You're a musician..."

"What are you doing out here?" Mel eyed him curiously...

The boy nervously fidgeted over his broken guitar, "I just...got lost and-"

"Got lost? Well boy...could you explain why on earth you so effeciantly found your way into the garden?" Milla's eyes grew with induced courage, she was very good at finding the lies within people...

He nervously looked away from her eyes and clung to his guitar tighter, "I just..."

"Only royalty have the key in here!" chirped Mel, twirling around so her gold gown caught the light when she said 'royalty'.

The boy's eyes widened, "You're...princess?"

"Uh, duh." sniffed Mel, rolling her eyes.

"That wasn't a very grown up response..." Cashel murmured, Mel whacked her younger sister on the back of the head only-

"I'm sorry for hitting you with water, Miss..." the boy slowly got out of the fountain and pulled his guitar with him, in his arms it lay, torn in half...

"Ah..?" Cashel blinked and pointed at herself, realisation dawning, he meant her... "Oh, right!" she laughed, "No big deal but-" she turned to the gate, "Kathy- AH!"

The gate lay ajar...Kathy was gone.

What are we gonna do...what are we gonna do?

Bekah followed along beside her sisters...she'd been pulled from the crowd toward the front...toward the big throne room...to see father.

Kathy's disappearance was surprising...to think she'd actually go through with it frightened Bekah. Father had made it clear this life wasn't something you escaped from...or at least not well off.

Milla and Mel bowed before him and he held up hand, not letting either of them talk...He rose his hand once more and motioned to two of the young princes at his side...

"Takaki...Inoo...please..." he ordered, "You have an announcement."

Inoo bowed his head and approached Milla with a meaningful look...

"No way..." giggled Riley to Bekah, who nodded furiously, "a proposal? finally?"

"Milla..." Inoo spoke quietly...meeting her gaze with a firm gaze...

"Mel," added Takaki taking Mel's hand...Mel's smile flickered over her face, her reaction serious situations...but Takaki couldn't return one.

"We...have to go away." said Inoo cooly.

"Nani?" blinked Milla, the first to recover as Mel's mouth was still ajar.

"Uh oh..." murmured Bekah, she looked around and saw Chinen's head hung low...his eyes shut, he couldn't look her in the eyes...he'd been laughing and giggling but he'd known.

"Where are you going?" Mel asked finally-

"...we are companions with the local kingdom, you know?" Inoo drove on but his voice was lost, as he clung to Milla's hand, griping it with all his might...he didn't want to let go...

"Yeah, you know the one-" laughed Takaki but Mel's fingers dropped from his grasp too...

"Kingdom Rockaniya is in need of our forces..." Yabu stepped forward, as leader it seemed proper for him to explain..."Inoo and Takaki have been given a great honor to represent us there!"

"...But why...we-" Mel whispered...

"you're marching off to war...you coward!" spat Milla, making Inoo jump, "You can't even admit you're in love with me!"

Inoo twitched and met her eyes, "When I return I will propose..."

The note throughout the room was clear but Mel spoke it anyway, meeting Takaki's gaze furiously...

"You mean...if you return alive."

Bekah bit her lip and marched forward through the silence, "Father!" she announced...

Johnny's eyes lit up and he smiled at the sight of her, "Ah! Bekah! Just the little angel we need to lighten the mood-"

Bekah puffed out her cheeks and let out the truth, "Kathy ran away!"

TBC...?

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

What's Your Name?

2008-09-06T00:10:50Z

I hate you.

It's interesting how many different ways, in different languages you can say this line. My first time...was to her.

To be staring, no...glaring at a young girl across the steaming waters of the Hot spring wasn't how I imagined spending my first vacation as a member of Johnny's...But it was all her fault and as usual she never took responsibility for what she did.

"Yabu-chan!~" sang Midori-chan, she was the vice president of JE and incharge of all the younger boys of the agency...

"I hate you..." I repeated as Kusano pulled me away from Kei and that indifferent smiling brat. She was taller then me, but no doubt more obnoxious then anyone I'd ever met...thanks to her...I'd lost something...something important...

Or so I'd thought.
So I told myself.

"I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!" the cry shook the trees and walls of the vacation hot spring. NewS and the other members of Ya-Ya-yah tried to calm me down. My best friend Hikaru even gave me a hug reminding me his posession was ruined too...he wasn't like me though.

He didn't hate her.

------------------------------------------------------

That was years ago. No one needs to go back to those sort of things. No matter how much they tore you up, it was best to let them go...forever.

"I was thinking you could give me your number?" Cashel chided poking my arm, so I shook off my flashback and turned to her-

"My cell number?" I blinked, "Why?"

She made a face, "Uh, well...we're dating."

"We are..." I reminded myself allowed, it felt reassuring but...

"So, give it too me?" she held out her hand expecting me to produce a pen and paper to give her the 11 digits for my number.

"Uh, I don't have one." it was a lie. A smooth one but a true one.

"You don't have one..." she eyed me curiously and her hand flopped to her side, "You don't have a cellphone?"

And this is where trouble began.
Two weeks and a day into our relationship.

"I don't."

"Jin says he calls you all the time..." she muttered.

"He does."

"So..why does he have this "nonexistent number" and I don't..." she folded her arms and awaited my explanation. Thing was, I didn't have one.

"I don't have one." it was all I could stick with.

"What? We just agreed Jin-"

"I have to go. Sorry." I moved past her, "Call me."

"I WOULD!" she shouted after me as I closed the swinging door behind me, "IF I HAD YOUR CELLPHONE!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

To say I was in the right here was a matter of opinion. Of course, by now you most likely already think I'm like all the other guys she's dated...all the others. That thought alone is constructive. But I dislike losing myself over things that can't change so from there I'll drop it.

It's all a matter of opinion.

Not once did I ever expect to be dating the girl I'd eyed since I was...really young. Not once did I think I would be good enough, but most people can relate to that impression. For me, I don't hate people. I rarely find fault with them unless they force me too and even then...even then that fault will not be brought up unless necessarily needed.

Which explains why Hikaru is my best friend.

"Have you and her had sex yet? Imagine it! You'll bang her before I ever get a girlfriend! I'll-" his whiney voice could of taken a higher pitch and I wouldn't been phased...

"Sex isn't important right now..." I admitted.

"WHA? Why not?"

"We're getting to know each other?" I offered reassuringly.

"Getting to know each other?" Hikaru laughed, "Yabu! You two have known each other since kindergarten! What the hell, man-"

"Not kindergarten." Yabu sighed, "I was about 7 when we first met."

"Making her 6." sneered Hikaru, "What's to get to know?"

"Everything..." I shrugged and finished with a sigh. The produce continued to inform Hey! Say! BEST what this photoshoot would be about...

"It's strange to think back then she didn't even know about Ya-Ya-Yah?"

"She was too wrapped up in Jrock." I huffed, flicking my dark bangs from my face-

"Right, right...PIERROT...Kiritasshole-" he ranted to himself, and I wondered why he bothered...Cashel would never like him back.

"YABU-KUN!!!!" Jin sang marching into the photoshoot-

Takaki sighed and let break continue as Jin clamped his hand down on my shoulder, like the big brother he was too me.

"Hello, Jin."

"I hear you won't give Cashel-chan your number? What's going on?"

"I see JE's biggest and best skill isn't in the art of dancing or singing but...gossiping." I smirked, I found it witty...

"Well!" Jin smiled, "A relationship is very important! You need to make both sides happy and she really wants to have it so-"

"You give it to her." I said cooly. My insides were twisting, no doubt Jin would of tried too. Cashel...was so stubborn though-

"No, I didn't. She wouldn't let me. Said she wanted it from you."

"I see." I huffed.

"You sure you can handle her?" Jin asked cautiously.

"A little late for that question, huh?" I smiled, "She's my girlfriend."

"...Still Yabu, things can fall apart easily."

"I'm not interested in this. I have my reasons, trust that." I finished and bowed to my sempai and hurried to get ready for the next shoot...Jin just watched me go and shook his head...It was creepy how much he and Cashel acted a like-

"SHE WOULD LIKE TO CALL YOU!"

------------------------------------------------

"We need to talk." Cashel was stiff but certain and based on the looks of Hey! Say! 7...the younger ones had all agreed firmly with her on this.

"You will sit and talk with her here." ordered Yamada pushing everyone else out of the room-

"GO GET'EM!" shouted Hikaru before Inoo snapped the door shut.

"Why...won't you give me your number?" Cashel asked icily.

"...I don't know."

"Don't you trust me?" she whispered quietly.

"Of course, I do."

"Then why won't-"

"I'm scared of losing everything." I said simply.

"That doesn't make sense. By not giving me your number...doesn't that enhance the chance of us losing all of this?"

"Not our relationship." I explained. She looked doubtful and confused...

"W-what...are you scared of losing then?"

My eyes slid shut as I tried to think back...
That day at the hot spring...

"I'm scared of losing everything on my cellphone."

"On...your cellphone?" she looked confused... "What does that mean? How could I make you lose-"

"You don't remember?" I asked stiffly.

"No! No I don't remember!" she snapped, "How could I? So why not tell me!"

"You made me lose the most important thing to me when we first met."

"When we first met?" she looked completely perplexed along with frustrated...

"Yes, but I suppose you don't remember that either? To busy thinking about Kirito or whomever it was at the moment?" I wasn't cold, it was fact. Fact was cold, hard, honest.

"What did I lose..." then it all clicked, "...the hot spring?"

"Bingo."

---------------------------

12 years ago...for both of us.
It had been a bright day as the young member of NewS, Ya-Ya-yah, and Jin relaxed in the hot springs at Johnny's vacation house in Sendai... Johnny was of course not present but the hot spring was packed all the same...
Midori-chan made her way in with the cameras for the latest vacation show for Johnny's support...And what better then Johnny's shirtless boys in a hot spring!
"Kei-chan...you'll MC won't you?" smiled Midori offering a 13 year old Kei of NewS the mic..

"Of course, Midori-chan!" he smiled and took it-

"Today we have been talking and I couldn't quite come up with anything..." Midori whispered to him, "But we do need some sort of game or something..."

"Of course!" laughed Kei-chan, "We'll come up with something! I can make Shige strip?"

"NANI!?" Shige gasped, moving as far away from the other-

"Not that...we need some game or something..but what should the punishment be...and the reward..."

"Um, Midori-chan?" Midori blinked and looked down at the little bright green eyed child tugging on her dress, you couldn't tell it's gender easily...They wore a little baseball cap on thier head with "red sox" written on the top...a pair of corduroys over a blue T-shirt...

"Cashel-chan!" purred Midori kneeling down to peel some of the messy hair from the child's face...

"I have an idea for a game, Kei-kun, sir?" she smiled up at him, her teeth were all over the place since she'd been losing them quite often.

"Ah?" Kei knelt down to eye level with the 5 year old, "May you tell me?"

She nodded and spoke quickly, "My daddy says that only good games in America are when people lose...something big." she nods as if this was obvious.

"Well, of course...but we don't have anything-"

"You do!" she giggles and reaches into her corduroy pocket and pulls out a tiny little silver object...

Kei blinks and realises what it is, "where did you get that cellphone? Shouldn't you be playing with fake ones?"

"No!" she pouted, "Daddy gave it too me! He says I should use it properly."

"That's for calling someone, sweetie!" smiles Midori, "Your mother wouldn't like how your talking-"

"Daddy said we need to use it in the game!" she stamps her foot.

"Well, I'm not making prank phone calls..." sighs Kei...

"Not that." she points her little fingers to the edge of the pool, "That."

"That's a hot spring, Cashel..." Kei couldn't get this kid.

"NO!" she snapped, "This!" she throws the cellphone and it lands in the water with a plop-

"What did you-" Kei gasped.

"Cashel!" shouted Midori, "It's broken now!"

"Daddy told me too!"

"Ah-" Kei stopped Midori from punishing the little girl, "He said...to take the members cellphones and..."

"Hai!" she nodded, pouting.

"Ah...It's brillant." said Kei looking to Midori, "We have their cellphones...we took them, rmember?"

"Oh! It is!" Midori realised and looked to Cashel happily, "And we can expose things of their personaility by asking them who's number they will miss the most by losing the phone?"

"Fantastic!" cheered Kei brushing past Cashel as if she had had no act in planning this at all...

"Sit, sit." Midori orders her, "You can jump in and get them when we're done, understood?"

"Yeah..." Cashel glowered after them...Why did no one ever listen to her...

To say Yabu was surprised at the "Cellphone Survival Game" Kei had planned was an understatement!

"First we'll start with Rock, Paper, Scissors!" claimed Kei and they all rounded around each other...one by one being picked out...cellphones dropping into the hot water and dying...

Shoon Yamashita.
Hikaru Yaotome.

Lucky Yuto Nakajima, Masuda Takahisa, Tegoshi Yuya, Shige, and Kusano had somehow avoided it but as the vowel game came to a close and he was holding the hot potato in his hands he realised what was about to happen!

"NO!" he shouted as it went off and the clippers came hanging over his cellphone...the world fast forward and then backward as Yabu pushed past all the others as Kei held him back and one of the staff members offered the clippers to a pouting young girl in a baseball cap and corduroys-

"1! 2! 3!!!!!!!!!!!" she squealed and clip- with that snap the phone splashed into the water and fuzzed over...

Yabu screamed out in fury...he'd worked so hard...all the numbers in there- Jin, other sempais, his family, Johnny himself, and so on-

He slumped down and knew he was reacting poorer then the others but this wasn't fair! He never hated anyone unless they made him and that..that phone had been a present! It wasn't right! It just wasn't!

He'd lost it all and-

Little Cashel squealed searching through the water, poking at now fuzzed and bubbling cellphones like they were fish or snails at a petting zoo.

Kusano took his arms as he fought toward the girl and Kei-

"Yabu-kun! You're phone is bubbling." snickered Kei.

Yabu was shaking as Kusano held him back, finally he gave in but not before he met that little girl's blue green eyes- she'd done it, she-

"I hate you!"

"Yabu, yabu-kun-" others whispered..
It wasn't Johnny's behavior but I didn't care!

"I HATE YOU!"

----------------------------------------------------

"I...was 5." she said quietly but even as I kept my head down she turned and opened the door where Hey! Say! JUMP were still waiting, "Tell me when you want to grow up and give us a chance!" she snapped, slamming it behind her.

I rested my head on my hands...
This wouldn't be my fault if I would just grow up.
Cashel may be younger then me by 6 months but she was certainly acting more mature...

But...I hadn't told her why...
Why I couldn't...

"I would lose everything again..." I said to Takaki as he asked me what I'd done.

"What do you have to lose? What did you lose..." Takaki hadn't been there but had he would understand...Hikaru on the other hand had and he stated his opinion-

"You're an idiot. She loves you." he moved from the door and toward me, "Just because it happened once doesn't mean it will again."

"It could of been a..." I knew it would sound stupid, "a forecast of what's to come."

"You're an idiot. AN IDIOT." shouted Hikaru and stormed out the door after Cashel...

It's all a matter of opinion...a matter of opinion...

"Are you going to let her go like that?" Inoo asked...but he didn't know why...he didn't get it...

"No, I never have..."

"What do you mean? She's gone..."

"She's not..." I sighed and reached into my pocket and pulled out my cellphone...

"Yabu?"

"She's right here with me." I nodded and showed the first number on speed dial...

Cashel Elaina Cky ♥

"Cute...what's the point?" Yamada frowned, "She's gone now."

"You don't get it." I clicked my phone shut, "The number...I dreaded losing..."

----------------------------

"Yabu! Yabu! Who's number did you regret losing the most?" cried out Midori-chan after all was said and done-

Yabu paused, reaching his hand behind his head to ruffle his hair...how to say it...He'd thought she was cool even then...A year or so younger then him and he'd thought she was so cute and sweet he'd considered her a little sister...

Someone he wanted to know...and now-

"Here, Yabu!" Jin had cheered earlier handing him the number, "This is her! She's Johnny's new daughter!"

....and that's how it was...

"The number you regret losing the most..." the younger me repeated...the thought close to my heart-

"I regret losing her's."

No one asked me to clarify.

Bon Bon 6/?

2008-08-22T00:29:48Z

Circles...Circles...What ridiculous stupid concept for a shape...still my ring has never stopped glittering...But of course things have changed. I realised who I am, I gained control as one of the most powerful female artists...and I...

I have a daughter.

It's like a blessing and a curse...For she is anything but what I could of wished for...what I thought I'd obtain.

"My lady?" my eyes snap up, cold as stone to the one and only son...I have. However, to me he might as well just be Johnny's...He is not mine.

"Hello, Yamapi." I say coldly, I rise from my chair and bow but it's a stone bow, like everything about me...stone, cold, indifferent, empty...

"Nice to see you too." Yamapi chuckles but he bows back none the less.

"What is it..." I want him out of here as soon as possible, if he's come to remind me of his father, to ask for praise...it's a pointless visit.

"I wish to ask you...why Cashel? Why now?" I know he's asking about the ring...

"I have no idea." I say.

"What do you mean...no idea?" Pi is all glares at me, his mother...Lady Nami.

"I am not incharge of such matters. Ask your father."

"I've tried but he won't speak of it." mutters Pi...

"Well, perhaps you are not in the right to know then." I smile, glad to be able to insult him and send a nasty human frown across his face...

"I am perfectly qualified." he snarls, "I have my ring!" he raises his hand and the little triangles flicker in the darkness of my room...

"So you do...but to think that ring is all you have."

"I can sing! And dance!" Pi is furious-

I merely sweep past him, a prisoner to this nonsense, "I'm not interested in your drama, Yamapi. I will tend to my daughters and your father will, as always tend to his sons."

"I will find out what he plans to do with Cashel!" Pi's voice is sharp and it's clear he expects a lot...

"What do you expect there to be?" I chuckle...

"It's..." I turn to see Pi shaking...he's never so human in his showing of emotion...Cashel is always full of expression...where as Pi...is Johnny's toy...where- "It's your anniversary, right?"

"my..." then it hits me...In two days...it will be.

Mine and Johnny's 5th anniversary...

"So it is..." I say and holding a finger to my lips I laugh, a cold stone laugh...

Cashel is indeed screwed.

Oh Yeah, Because There Is You

"I get it, you hate me...so can we move on. I'm sorry! Alright?" if there was ever a more frustrating sport it was trying to apologise to Yamada...

"If your so sorry...why did you do it in the first place?"

"I didn't mean too!" I plead, close to tears at this point...It's amazing I can't hold my ground against this guy...how old was he? ...14? 15?

"That's enough of that." I'm saved. Takaki has saved me.

He pats Yamada on the head and nods to me, "Thank you..."

"Your welcome." grumbles Yamada turning away in a huff...

"You still think I'm crazy don't you?" I ask.

Yamada turns to glare at me, "Crazy? No...But Chinen does. He hasn't been here for awhile, hm?"

I want to sob. Chinen, cheerful sun is subtle compared to his brightness...is scared of me.

"What to do about that..." mutters Takaki thoughtfully, "hmm...you were gonna recite poetry weren't you?"

"Yes...I was?" I admit.

Takaki and Yamada eye me...

Yamada speaks first, "Just how much are you willing to give away to get Chinen back?"

"Anything." I say.

That was my first mistake.

CLICK.

"H-hello? Yabu?!"

"Yeah? Hi!" Yabu's voice was like a lullaby I'd missed since I was a child.

"Yabu..." I'm choking slightly and he chuckles-

"Don't cry, okay?"

"I'm not! I just..." then I just break into it, I tell him everything- "Yamada hated me! Hikaru freaked me out! Inoo's being waaay to gentlemenly! Keito thinks I'm retarded! I don't know what to do!!! I MISS YOU!"

"Woah! Woah!" he laughs and I smile into the phone just hearing his reaction...

"I'm sorry...been a hard week..."

"No need to apologise to me, Cashes. Look..." he seems to be considering everything, "It seems to me Yamada is just being himself, so is Inoo and Hikaru...but Keito...Keito, he's always been on your side...how weird..."

I nod, reminding myself he can't see me.

"And isn't your mother and father's anniversary coming up?" I freeze, it is!

"Oh man...I totally forgot..what with the ball.."

"Ball?" Yabu is totally clueless which sucks because having him in my life before always helped...

"Yeah, Mom and Johnny planned some ball to get me to step out and admit my existance to the world..."

"When?!" I'm surprised at the urgency and ferocity in Yabu's question, he sounds rough rather then his normal princely relaxed self.

"Uh- um...in two days? I think..."

"I see...I heard a rumor about you breaking Yna's leg?"

"Uh...about that." I laugh-

"You didn't!"

"It was an accident!" I plead...

"Cashel..." he only ever refers to me in such a tone when he's worried...

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, "My heads just a mess...and without you..."

"Don't even turn this around on me, okay? I'm here, I always am. But I gotta do this for myself. You know that?"

"...yeah."

"Good girl. I'm sorry. I gotta go."

"No! YABU!"

"Bye!"

CLICK.

Thinking it was time to at least try to set things right...I made my way into Yna's room...They told me she was presently in Johnny's office...so without blinking I make my way up there-

"Hello, may I come in?" as I move in, I instantly regret it...Yna is bent over my dad, straightening his tie...they glance at each other in a way that is hardly just friendly...I think I might of thrown up in my mouth a little.

"Ah, Cashel? Come in! Yna was just leaving." Johnny smiles at Yna who grins back and prances past me...with a dark knowing glance-

"Actually, I came here to see Yna."

"Did you?" Johnny is amused, he nods to Yna to stop for a second and turns back to me, "One thing though-"

I wait, what now...

"Being my anniversary with your mother..." ah, here we are, "I'd like to know what you plan on doing for it?"

"Well...considering it's your anniversary...and you planned a ball for me..what would you like me to do?" I'm stumped as to what he was thinking...why not throw mom a ball instead?

"Cashel..." Johnny rises up from his seat and approaches me cautiously, "This ball may be for you...but you look a lot like your mother."

"No, I don't!" I scoff, for one mother had been beautiful...so beautiful...and if she wasn't presently a piece of carved up brick I'd probably say she would be just as beautiful...

"Perhaps not completely..but who you are...well, that is the Nami I recall." Johnny fiddles with a strand of my brown hair...I glower at him only to feel Yna's glare on my back...She isn't really jealous of my dad giving me attention is she? ...once again, feeling sick.

"Johnny, I love this whole conversation...it's great! Really! But-" I try to explain this bluntly, "But mom and I are two different people. So what you might want to do is throw her a nice party on the side...that way-"

"Perhaps you misheard me?" he interrupts and I bite my tounge, "I don't want a party for your mother. The woman now is cold, heartless, and empty...a puppet. She's not my wife." he turns back to his desk and sits there-

"So..." I'm trying to understand, "You're not in love with her anymore?"

He stares up and into my eyes...and I know it's coming before I can stop it...

"No, and neither do you."

"Y-yes father."

"Good girl. That is all." he nods to Yna and me and we march out of his office...under his control...his order.

...
....

"So? What did you want?" snaps Yna...

"Here." I hand her the lyrics I'd written she snatches it from me and glowers at me in disgust-

"What is this?"

"...I thought...since you're better at it then I am...you could..."

"Recite it for you?" she pushes the lyrics back at me, "I will do what I must. And you..." she's so happy about something I just can't figure it out, "You...will do as you do."

she stomps off...but I find something about how she said that...my hands are shaking...I feel a sense around myself...I must obey her! I MUST...I-

She was touching Johnny..s.he was...he had...they-

She'd use the power on me...

Yna had the power.

"Congrautlations?" I jump and shriek at the sight of Keito...only it's the real Keito...not a illusion...He smiles lightly at me... "Sorry..." he says-

"She..she..."

"When one is accepted by someone on the higher parts...like Johnny as Yna is...she gets the power..."

"But then you?"

He smiles and nods, "You will relax." I freak, my body relaxs...he's got it too.

"My father gave it too me."

"So it can be..shared?" I ask...

Keito nods, "But that's the problem...too many people have it..."

"How's that bad?"

"Controling other people isn't a good thing Cashel..." Keito mutters, "There needs to be someone who has the power but doesn't use it on people...they don't understand...they need to get people for something no one else with the power gets..."

"You totally lost me."

"Just find what's the most important thing about a person...and you will see." he bows his head and marches off...

"Way to be vague..." I grumble after him...

"He's been locked in there for awhile..." sighs Dai-chan...he's trying to keep on a brave face and I hug him for it...

"Thank you...I know this is my fault."

"Just give it a shot? for me? Okay?" he pleads and I nod...

Dai-chan lets me near the door and I knock, "Chinen...Are you mad at me?"

"...g-go away." Chinen's voice sounds shakey...

"Chinen! Please.." I whisper...I don't want him to hate me...

"I don't hate you!" Chinen chokes-

"W-haT?" I stare at the door in amazement, how had he...had he read my mind?

"Don't be scared..." I'm not...I'm not scared...Chinen...he controlled me...he has it too?! WHAT THE-

"Chinen...you aren't seeing scary things-"

"I saw...c-crows..." Chinen sounds so scared...I understand now...he's seeing what I've been seeing...

"I got it." Dai-chan says pulling me away from the door but not roughly..."Let me. I need you to hurry upstairs and get Ryutaro-"

"Ryutaro? Why?"

"He's...trying to sneak in to see your mom...he seems to think she's a witch and she cast a spell on Chinen-" I'm down the hallway quickly- my baby is brave to do this but I won't let Nami hurt him-

"RYUTARO!" I round a corner and skid to a halt...he and Nami are standing across from each other...glaring each other up and down-

"Ah, Cashel...terribly unladylike..." says my mother...

"Mom, I need you to talk to me." I glare at Ryutaro, how could he have been so reckless...normally he's so well behaved.

"Cashel-" Ryutaro tries to fight for himself but I turn from him and take my mother's arm...she grips my hand back and suddenly I feel little Ryutaro's fingers on my shirt sleeve like always-

but it's like a bright light swallows me...my mother's power- her ability...her observations that are unspoken...

half underwater
i'm half my mother's daughter...

Young Nami is elegant, beautiful and she even smiles- as she dances threw her music video you can see everything in her is alive- but...as it seems the music video ends and so does the scene- to flicker to what she's doing afterward...

It's a old run down bar...clearly for big businessmen to come and enjoy the festivities of well dressed women dancing while they discuss life altering options over whiskey and beer...

My mother is dawning a magnificent belly dancing outfit...as she dances gracefully, her face pleasently jeweled from head to toe...She's a sight and it doesn't take long for a young gentlemen with rather good looks to pick her out...he calls her over to his table where other men lounge...he flirts shamelessly with her..taking her picture with his phone...

half accidental

but just as quickly the scene flips-

I'm in my mother's place...I realize as I'm closer this is not just some random guy...this is-

"Johnny..." he smiles warmly up at her and kisses her hand...her fingers are barren no ring exists on them...just as her eyes seem alight with the twinkle of the missing silver...

half pain

I feel the room spin into a laid back bedroom my mother races to the door only to find Johnny's car pulling out quickly...he doesn't even look back...it's work once more...

full instrumental

Things do not move for the better as the next scene is both of them in a coffee shop...his hands laced through hers and for a second I, no she...is so happy...but he turns to his phone as it starts to ring...a new buisness call-

i have a lot to think about

but it's not. It's not a business call at all. As he excuses himself to the facilities...She, I raise the phone to check out of curiosity...it's a woman... she's texting him asking if they could see each other...that night...

you think they're joking?

My mother isn't just floored, I feel her fury drive through me...she trusted him, loved him...gave him herself and this was it...this was-

you have to go provoke him...

The scene hardly needs a moment as it's back to that bar...it's back and she isn't dancing this time...well she is but it's with a sneer in my father's direction as she rubs up against another man...jealousy is in the air as I realise who the other man is-

Miyavi...

i guess it's high time you found out

Johnny glares on in disgust and storms out of the bar...my mother looks pleased beyond belief...little does she know Johnny doesn't just leave the bar...he storms out creates and works harder then ever to get JE off the ground...forming a fabulous music company...toping her at the one thing she'd been known for- and in the process...

Taking her daughter and breaking her heart as many times and as painfully as she had his.

My mother is cold, stone, empty, angry, fury, and she is...eternally sorry.

My mother pulls away from me and stares at me...eyes wide in fear..she knows I've seen it all and she has no desire to explain why she's confided all this in me...it's a slip...a shatter in a crack proof mirror...

"Mother..." I whisper...

Ryutaro is shaking next to me and he sidles, nearly toppling over into me..it's too much for him- I grab him and right him in my arms...He's luckily pretty light as I glare at my mother...

"Why didn't you just say from before-"

"I'm your mother." Nami says, "But...Johnny is no longer the man I love."

"Mother..."

"I apologise..." she says, "Please do take care." I don't know if she means me or Ryutaro... "Men can break you...you are not unbreakable my dear.."

"I know he broke your heart but-"

"That's just it sweetie..." my mother is softer now, "the men...they are all the same in this buisness...you will suffer."

"Mother..."

"I will not have him hurt your heart." I blink and see she's glaring at little Ryutaro-

"Ryutaro wouldn't hurt me...none of my brothers would."

"I wish...I could be as positive as you are...but I've learned...I'm trapped as you are..."

"I'm not trapped!" I bark-

"You are..." Nami sighs, "Chad Rogers...was that trap."

I swallow my response...because deep down...deep down...I know she's right.

"I married your father in a trap too. He tricked me. And now...now I'm trapped..."

"Mother..."

"Good day, and good luck my darling..."

"Yes, mother..." she's gone...and I turn with Ryutaro in my arms back downstairs...mind spinning...

This has opened my eyes...trap or not.

"The ball...my parents anniversary..."

BRING. IT. ON.

I know now what is most important to people...and that alone is my weapon, just as Keito said it would be!

The most important things to people...and the symbol on my ring...

Their hearts.

Bon Bon 5/?

2008-08-19T18:03:07Z

I don't know when I learned the lesson for certain...
I don't know if it was the first time I stepped into JE as a child.
Or the first time I smiled at the music at my first Jrock concert...
I don't know what made me into this person or how I learned it all for certain-
All I know is I get what Keito means...

In a moment, everything can change.

Takaki had taken me out for the day.
Now I know what your thinking...We could be spotted and people could think we were together...which is why we brought back up...

"BON! BON BON!" Yuto was ever so happy to spread his 'bon bon bon' nature all over the many stores we traveled through...

"See, we'll probably need a good dress for you." Takaki explains, ignoring Yuto as if this is everyday (for him it most likely is).

"What for?" I grump, I'd rather be locked in my room pouting over this whole Chad Rogers problem.

"The ball thrown in your honor of course." Takaki rolls his eyes and holds up a dress to me, but I'm gawking, "Cashel, close your mouth. You're making the dress look hideous-"

"What ball? I was never told!"

"Please, do you really think Johnny would only let you get away with having his boys perform when they came of age...now it's your turn." Takaki chuckles and bit by bit I realise he's completely excited over this-

"It's the equivalent of throwing me to the lions..." I pale and swallow, trying not to choke.

"Not really." Takaki argues picking up a new dress (at the present moment I would give anything for Taguchi to make a bad pun joke so I can wake up from this nightmare)

"...I guess I have no choice, right?"

"True, but you also need a dress for tonight." I'm staring at Takaki-

"For what?"

"BON BON BON!" Yuto.

"Yna is throwing you a little surprise, fantastic, hm?" Takaki smiles..."She's ever so thoughtful."

OH YES. Most definatly, thoughtful. Yna was undoubtly very pleased with my relationship to Chad Rogers...this gave her a complete open window to grab any and all guys from JE with no ending period in sight...

"I feel sick." I say.

"Don't be so dramatic." sighed Takaki kindly. I know normally he'd given me a hug but since we are in public-

"Just remember Cashelly! Bon Bon!" Yuto smiles next to me-

"Yes, Yuto...thank you EVER SO MUCH." I roll my eyes, "That fixes EVERYTHING."

Yuto seems to be foriegn to the language of sarcasm.

"YAAAAY! BON! BON! BON!"

Chinen has personally decided to see me off to Rekkai for the day...To see my mother and my sisters is a strange and rare thing, I suppose it's better that it's Chinen instead of a drooling Dai-chan, Inoo, or Hikaru...Hikaru.

The word of my ball has spread throughout Rekkai and all the girls fester and praddle on about dresses they've bought, jewelry they'd swept up and men they wish to impress....

It's such a bore. I shall be asleep in the corner if anyone needs me.

"Cashel, now..." it's my mother's attendant...Ayumi Hamasaki...I will not lie, I never liked the woman and with my mother trailing boardly behind her in her usual black gown...I wish I could vanish into thin air...

"I think this whole thing is ridiculous. I'm a writer not a singer or actor or-"

"You will enjoy this rehearsal, do you hear me?" Ayumi orders- I glare at her, she can't make me do anything...

"Cashel, we do this for you. And so must put forth your best to be seen." it's my mother who speaks, Nami knows how to dig in a nail...it's something she does often but it's now that I realise how dizzy I feel- I feel my legs lift from my seat and march to join the throng of girls like I never meant to leave them...

Nami smiles after me...and I have deja vu...
Hadn't I done this to Yamada...

Suddenly, the peacefulness was broken- I'd turned away from the group and the hiss grew-
The breath is torn from me completely...It feels as if someone is pulling on every part of my body...Everything goes topsy turvy- Time slows...I see the girls moving so very slowly, their hair ribbons defying gravity as they turn their heads by many degrees. The sounds of their laughter are low and hollow. Leah who is right beside me, speaks but her mouth twists into words too slow to decipher. I alone...seem to move at a ordinary pace. It's as if I'm the only one...truly alive.

Then I can hear it...the thrum of my heart...

Bon....bon....bon...Bon...

I turn toward my mother and the girl's who are flocked around her...I feel a chill run up my spin and fill my soul. My mother has not slowed. As she smiles over all of us like pawns in a game, like a powerful woman who knows exactly how to get what she wants. Before my astonished eyes, the girls around my mother turn into crows and fly away...Their dark wings stirring trouble into the calm sky. The pull of all this is gone as my mother meets my eyes-

Chinen pulls my arm, "Cashel?"

It's over...but I feel drained like I've run for miles.

"Are you okay?" Chinen questions...

"There were...crows..." the girls are still there and my mother raises her hand...a flicker of silver catches my gace- The ring...her ring...

"There were no crows?" blinked Chinen, "Are you sick? ...maybe we should go back."

"I have a poem to recite." I remind him, my lyrics...I need practice and he nods and sits idly by watching me more like the mother hen then I am of him...

"the dark plays tricks..." I tried to remind myself..."It's nothing...nothing...nothing."

Keito's words ring true in my ears, You don't need that ring to have control...to be yourself.

and then of course...

"You must of imagined it." smiles my mother as she helps my shaky form toward the mirror...however does she know I'm shaken up by an illusion? ...

"Yes, you're right." I smile formally brushing my hand through my hair...but my fingers hold no consequential value...I have no glint of silver..."Just an illusion..."

And that is what frightens me the most.

It sucks. A lot. As my time for practice rolls closer Yamada appears...clearly as he sits next to Chinen he wants to see me mess up...and I feel my stomach quell...Wishing he'd just let me be...

Girls are once again flitting in front of the mirrors in their many costumed ball gowns and so on-
The prance about the mirrors that are already to crowded, jockeying for their moment to see themselves as princesses and fairies...
Ayumi claps her hands as my mother settles in to watch...
"Ladies, let our rehearsal begin!"

My mother oversees the older girls performances with the charm and criticism of a prison warden:

"Miss Eaton...are you playing the piano...or murdering it?"
"Ladies, your curtsies must be snowflakes falling to earth..softly, softly..SOFTLY. Miss Dizon...that is not a snowflake but rather a avalanche."
"Miss Yuu...sing out if you please? The floor may hear your song quite well, but it is only a floor and cannot applaud it."

When my mother calls me to recite my lyrics, my stomach churns and Yamada ruffles happily in his chair as Chinen begins biting his nails...
I do not relish standing before all of them, center of attention.
I shall never remember the words. The girls plus Yamada and Chinen look at me with expectation, with boredom, with pity. My mother clears her throat and it's like a gunshot-
I'm off-

"FlyOpen up the part of you that wants to hide awayYou can shine,-"

My mother interrupts and true to any word...she is no kinder to me because I'm her daughter-
"Gracious, Cashel...Is this the derby or the recitation of lyrics?" tittering trickles through everyone...Yamada can barely contain himself...

I start again, trying my best to temper my voice and rhythm, though my heart thumps with such force-
Bon. Bon. Bon....bon...

I can draw only the shallowest of breaths.

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try,
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

There is a long pause...I've lost my place...
All the stuff stiring in my mind, my mother, this strange power, Yamada snickering, Yabu gone, Hikaru broken, Father, Chad...

"Cashel?" my mother barks, "Do you intend to add a dramatic pause...or have you gone into a catatonic state?"

"N-no...I only forgot my place." I murmur...Bon bon bon...Don't cry...I tell myself. Not here. Not now.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control.

I'm done and she sighs.
There is a half hearted applause as I leave my spot. Head raised, My mother glares at me through the bottom of her spectacles..."That needs work, Cashel. I had rather hoped for more."
Everyone seems to hope for more from me. I am a thoroughly disappointing girl all around.

"Yes, mother." I say- she clears her throat, "I mean...Lady Nami." don't cry...don't cry...bon bon bon...I should like to please her, if it is at all possible.

"Yes...well." my mother turns to Yna and a group of her cohorts...the girls Yna hangs out with are not in Rekkai but Yna qualifies merely by her behavior around men...flirtatious, shallow, and of course competitive..."It is time for your ballet."

"You shall be proud of us, Lady Nami." purrs Yna glancing at me as if too say, 'shame you can't outdo me here or in JE.'...

"I am relieved to hear it." says Nami relaxing in her chair...

Blast that Yna to whatever hell has no men, no music and a absolute lack of me. She floats across the floor with absolute grace. Her arms arch over her head as if they would shield her from all harm. I cannot help it. I hate her smugness and sureness. I wish I could have what she does...and now I hate myself for that.

Before I can stop it, that power...it ripples through my skin, from my very thump of heart and before I can call it back Yna slips out of her graceful pirouette. She falls hard, her ankle twisting painfully underneath her as she hits the floor with a loud bang.
Everyone gasps. Yna's hands fly to her bleeding mouth and her swelling ankle as if she cannot decide which hurts more...she bursts into tears.

"Good heavens!" my mother exclaims. Every girl scurries to her side save for myself. I stand watching, the power...this thing still weighting my limbs. A tea towel is offered for Yna's lips...She sobs while Ayumi reminds her it's not that bad...and she shouldn't make a fuss.

My skin itches with this power...this ability...Ring or no ring. I rub my arms as if I could make it go away...I'm overcome with the shouts, the gasps, the confusion, and below that- far below that- I hear Keito's words...

"An illusion...the people must want to believe in it."

I turn to see Keito smiling idly at me...I open my mouth, completely confused as I approach him, "How did...you get here?"

"Am I here?" he blinks, "Do you see me? Or is it only your mind playing tricks on you?"

"Funny...I never saw you as the type to take such action..."

"It...was terrible wasn't it." I bite my bottom lip and look away from the mess, "I'm awful."

"You made her fall...You're very powerful!" Keito illusion chuckles...

This is just like that billboard, he's flickering in and out of my vision until it's like my conscience and shock really is just playing games on me...

"I...I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE HER FALL!" I shout-

"Cashel? To whom are you speaking?" I jump and spin around to see everyone watching me...Even Chinen and Yamada look floored at my outburst...I cover my mouth...

"YOU!" Yna barks spitting some blood up, "You did this, didn't you!"

"No...no...I..."

"I know she did it, Lady Nami! I know she did!" Yna quells-

"How on earth-"

"She's a wicked thing!" Yna snaps, "A wicked girl!"

"Wicked..." chuckles illusion Keito in my ear-

"SHUT UP." I cover my ears...

"Who are you..." Yamada mutters...I see Chinen grab for his sleeve and I realise how insane I look- So I do the one sane thing I can think of- I run for the door...

Hikaru is of course who I run into...he calms me down and pulls me over to sit with him near the rush of the big fountain...

"Yabu told me something weird once when we were kids..." he smiles, the fountain only looked like it had his full attention- I know for certain...the one who had his attention was me.

"Which was?"

"Remember your heart in all things. That is where you will find your honor and destiny will be found."

"Sounds pretty deep for Yabu."

"Tell me about it." chuckles Hikaru and we both share a laugh...He glances up at me, and even though he tries to move a few bangs from my tear stained cheeks...I can't have him touching me...I sidle away.

"Yeah...Chad, right." he grunts and looks away...

"It's not that...Yabu left because of that, didn't he?" I ask Hikaru who nods..

"He ran off to protect you."

"So?"

"You think better of him then me. I'm still here...hurting you." Hikaru is honest and it's clear he's been thinking this over...

"Oh please. I can't think poorly of you Hikaru..."

"I'll admit. When Inoo told me you hated me I almost wanted to kill you." he chuckles..."But you know if it got to that I'd leave..."

"Hikaru..."

"It's probably why I'm not pushing you. Yabu had his way and I have mine."

"Yabu doesn't like me." I roll my eyes, "Yabu is in England."

"You have no idea." Hikaru sighed, "But I'll stay away so I never hurt you..."

"Hikaru," I snap- He blinks up at me, "There are plenty of other ways to do me in then staying away...You could pitch me from the roof. Shoot me in a duel."

"Hang you with the entrails of a large animal." he joins in and we smile foolishly at each other.

"I'm pleased you find my immeninet death so amusing."

"Hardly the point..." he leans back to stare up at the top of the building, "You have power and ability...that's why Yabu is gone. It's frightening."

"So you are frighteneed?" I considered what I'd just done to Yna...

"I did. I do...a little." he smiles sheepishly..."But you could change the world!"

"That's gonna take a lot more then what I have..." I think of what I've done...compared to all my father has done..

"True. But change...needn't happen all at once. It can be small gestures. Moments..." he's looking at me differently again and I look away quickly...

The trickle of the fountain interrupts us...and I pull my knees to my chest...
"Such a sad sound...so lonely...Do you ever feel that way?"

"Lonely?" he asks idly.

I search for the words, "Restless. As if you haven't really met yourself...As if you'd passed yourself in night and your heart lept- "AH! That's it! That's the piece I'm missing!" But it happens so fast...and then that part of you disappears into the fog again... And you spend the rest of your days looking for it."

He nods, and I think he's humoring me. I feel stupid for having said it. It's personal and sentimental and a part of me I shouldn't have shared...

"Do you know what I think?" smiles Hikaru, glancing at my sideways...

"Hm?"

"Sometimes, I think you can glimpse it in another."

and with that, we forget everything-
He leans forward as I do. We meet in a kiss that not borrowed but shared. His hand cups the back of my neck. My hands find his face. I pull him closer. The kiss deepens. The hand at my neck slides down my back, drawing me into his chest. It's like no kiss I've had before...and I lost my first kiss to Kirito Shinya Murata of Jrock.

Noises come from the exit of the building toward us-

"BON BON BON BOOOOOOOOOON!"

"Yuto...really..."

And I get it. I really do.

"Cashel? Did you hear about Yna?"

"Yna is alright. She will make the best of her situation." I say.

"Did you hear?" smiles Takaki racing up to Dai-cha and Yuto- "Yna is dating the head doctor at the hopsital!"

And that was it. Hikaru and I shared a knowing glance. And I realised I'd learned my lesson the minute my lips had locked with Hikaru's and the realisation had hit me Yabu was gone...for me.

That is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.

In a moment, Everything can change.

Bon Bon 4/?

2008-08-18T17:42:16Z

I'm not exactly sure what happened. What control I had at that point or even how I'd made Yamada obey me...I just had...

But in all honesty, it wouldn't be the last time I'd use it.

When my Father called me into his office I knew it wasn't for a fun little daddy daughter meeting...No sir.

"You let Yamada go...why?" nope, not even a simple 'Hi Cashel, how are you doing? I know I may have set you up with a utter douchebag but you know let's talk about me.'

"His dad came to visit."

"And?"

"Oh, I'm sorry...I forgot. You don't get that parents tend to enjoy spending time with their young."

Johnny eyes me darkly, "Sarcasm is not permitted."

"What sarcasm?" I ask innocently.

"Cashel..." he's annoyed and I cross my arms waiting for him to say something, giving me an excuse to fade in and out-

"How exactly do you know Chad, by the way?" I remember my fantastic boyfriend's reaction at dinner and it is making me quite curious-

"He's quite a catch isn't he?" Johnny sits again and smiles warmly at me...oh, great. He's under the impression I'm happy. The senile old coot.

"What of Yabu?" It's a bark and not one I use often-

"He left of his own accord. Must be hard on you since you got so close as children..." he says this like it's just another technicality, like a lyric set that needs to be changed...like it's not actual people... "But of course, it's for the best. We can't have him distracting you from Chad, can we?"

"Distracting?" my face was utterly and totally shocked...was my father insinuating what I think he was-

"Yabu is a charming young man. I should know, I raised him." Wrong sir. The many talented people here at JE raised him, you bought him. There is (last time I checked) a difference.

"He's my brother."

"So was Massu, Kame and Ueda." he's hit a mark and he knows it...I sidle away...my mind flickers for just a moment to mine and Hikaru's meeting and it takes all I have not to cry-

"A few foolish crushes." I say.

"And there...is no one else? Correct?" I feel it again, the urge to snap- HIKARU YAOTOME YOU OLD PIG! HIKARU! HIKARU! ...

"No, no one else."

"Very good. Let it stay that way." he rises from his seat and smiles warmly at me, "You are the best daughter I've ever had, Cashel."

"I'm your only daughter."

"All the better." he says and marches to the door...It doesn't matter his words...I know for myself. Yabu had to have met with him before deciding to leave...to be told something so heinous...to be with me...ugly, unflattering me...no wonder he left me here...

Left me here with Chad Rogers. And for some reason...

I couldn't hate him.

The sun starts to set like it is hurrying to the far-off sky
It stops for a while to show us the fading color of our dreams

"Hey Inoo." I don't know why I came looking for him, it seemed calming to be near someone who was so stuck on manner and behavior he wouldn't raise a hand nor a word to bother me.

"Oh, hello? You look pale?"

"Sorry." I admit flushing at the obvious....with all this going on I can barely get anytime to rest...

"Is this about Chad?" I'm surprised at this...

"No why?"

"Chad isn't very much of a gentlemen is he?"

"Well...I suppose compared to you no one can be?" Inoo chuckles at my wit but then snorts and surprises me as he lounges in the chair-

"Hikaru kissed you then?" his forwardness is not like a gentlemen at all and I stare at him...he's a fake! A big phony!

"What? NO!"

"Yes, he has." smiles Inoo as if this all some petty little game of cards and the red across my cheeks is the royal flush. Ha, ha, Royal flush...I'm funny.

"He has not, thank you. And he is planning too I suggest you tell him otherwise, understood?" I snap at Inoo who blinks at my fury.

"Why on earth do you hate Hikaru?"

"I don't hate Hikaru! I simply-" then it hits me, that's the only way out of this...I have to hate him! I HAVE TOO. Otherwise something will unfold...Yabu left that was his answer...and now...

Inoo is waiting, "You don't..hate him?"

"Of course I FUCKING HATE HIM! The slimy little bastard! All he ever cares about his how he's seen! He's such an eyesore! I hope he rots like you in a pit of old JE nobodies." I brush past Inoo with no more of a word and up to my spot on the roof...

I need Keito.

We don’t know what will happen one moment from now
It wouldn’t be strange for something to happen

"Go away." Keito is mad at me, and I can only fathom he heard me yelling at Inoo below...I mean he's got hawk ears...There's like, what? 12 floors below us...

"But I-"

"Until you realise how fake you're acting...I can't help you."

"Keito!"

"Cashel..." he looks to me wearily and rolls over as if to emphasise his point...

"You can't do this too me! I'm your sister! You have to help me!" I'm furious....Keito cares about me like any sibling would he's just be a little brat because I told Inoo a bad JE oldies joke...Which of course would include Keito's dad...Oh, ouch...probably not in the best taste.

"And yet...You do nothing to get yourself out and away from this mess." Keito murmurs...

"What do you want me to do?" I ask.

"Change things. You can you know..."

"HOW?" I hate him so much right now...and as the sun sets above us the billboard around us flickers to life...it's a picture of me. I blink and the image fades in and out till I see it's merely blank slate...

"Judge not lest ye be judged...right?" Keito is so annoying when he's trying to be metaphorical...

"Please, Keito. You're not a monk. Just tell me...help me..." I cover my head as my cheeks ache...my eyes burn...I am crying and Keito is the only one I can do it in front of...

He sighs and does get up to his credit...He comforts me with a good pat on the back and a nod to the billboard, "That could have you on it..."

"I don't need the fame..."

"No, but people do. They need to believe in you." he taps my ring finger...

"What?"

"You'll get it if you marry Chad right?" he asks.

"That's what they say..."

"Hmmm..." Keito smiles lightly to himself, "I think you're just a little lost..."

"And how exactly do you plan on changing that?" I bark...

"It's not my job..." he looks behind him and I hear the skipping before I'm tackled to within an inch of my life-

"YUTO!" I screech as he tackles me and I'm thankful for Keito now as he steadies both of us so we don't fall the 30 foot drop...

"BON! BON! BON!" he cheers, "Can you hear it, Keito?" he giggles...

Keito smiles kindly...one of the kindist smiles one can ever experience..."I sure can, Yuto.."

"BON BON!!! I wouldn't of heard it without you Keito! Thanks! Thanks!" Yuto chirps and hugs me closer as I think this last statement over...

"You're Bon bon...Keito told you about it?" I ask...

"YUP YUP!" Yuto is beyond giggles, he's mercilessly slaying the word, "Bon bon bon bon bon bon!"

"You see...Yuto understands." smiles Keito.

"I swear if I had my ring I'd punch you."

"If you had your ring...So you'll have to marry Chad Rogers first?" Keito muses as in the background-

"BON BON BOOOOON!"

"That remains to be seen, Keito."

"Cashel...I learned quite a lot in England...and Yuto appreciates it...will you?"

"Just spill it! What are you trying to say...I have to get that ring."

"No you don't." Yuto is back and Bon Bon is written quite literally over his face...I'm guessing Kusano and some fellow companion with the name Koki Tanaka did this to him...

"The ring is a material is it not?" Keito smiles, "You don't need it to be who you are...have the power you have."

"Keito...I'm not powerful. Johnny is. Pi is...I'm Cashel...little average every day Cashel. I never got my Hogwarts letter and I don't plan on starting-"

Keito rolls his eyes but he's amused as Yuto bounces and sings-

"Oh Yeah
BON BON BO BON BON the moment our chests are excited
The echoing voice begins to wrap us up
BON BON BO BON BON the beat tells these hands
That is almost warmer than we believed was possible-

Oh Yeah
BON BON BO BON BON in my chest which is about to burst
It is packed to overflowing with our future
BON BON BO BON BON a beat which tells my hands
Let’s sing together of this time which is irreplaceable"

"Sweetie, I love you..." I purr as gently as I can to smiling Yuto, "BUT SHUT UP!"

Yuto squeaks and hides behind Keito who sighs, "Cashel...what will it take to show you you're not just a ugly thorn in a pile of roses?"

"Well...you could take away my intelligence?"

With a huff of air he reaches out and from behind my ear Keito pulls out a rose....

"W-what?" I hadn't known Keito was into magic tricks?

"Judge not, let ye be judged." he repeated as Yuto continued-

Bon bon bon!

"How did you do that?" I ask...

"In truth..." he says handing me the rose...it's real and rough...but the smell is sweet... "It is the simplest act in the world. The trick works because you wish it too. You must remember, sister dearest, the most important rule of any succesfull illusion:"

He's somehow got me on the edge of my seat, even Yuto is silent.

"The people must want to believe in it."

By the time Yamada gets back he's in every mood but one willing to talk to me.

"Look! I said I'm sorry!" I snap.

"And my father now keeps telling me how we should date! How fantastic!"

"I'm sorry!" I plead, he's not interested in hearing my excuses he just wants to cuss me out...

"I hope Chad Rogers impregnantes you and you rot like every other person who's used me!"

"I never used you." I can stay by this.

"Then how did I end up going? How did you make that happen?"

"I...don't know?" I admit.

He's not buying it. "You have no control over me, as much as you wish you did! Yabu is gone because of you! Hey! Say! JUMP is a mess. Just go back to KAT-TUN."

"I want to stay here." I choke and I know I'm losing again...I'm gonna cry, I swallow it as best I can and continue-

"I know to you I'm no good. And I've made a lot of mistakes. So fine. Hate me. But I admire you Yamada-kun and I'm not leaving." I stormed out like a child but it wasn't strange to anyone as Yamada smiled strangely as I stormed off...

"So that's it." he muttered... "Bon bon..."

After such a long day I clambered up to my room and flat out passed out on my bed...through my window you could see the balconies of the studios...One could go outside and work while out there...

I peeked out through my window to set on the balcony for Hey! Say! JUMP...I wonder what Hikaru is doing now...if he's tortured by dreams of me...

There is a light below. I spy Hikaru with a night lantern, looking up at my window. My heart gives a leap and I have to remind it not to beat faster for a man who can't be trusted. I close the drapes, turn down my lights, and crawl into bed. Then I shut my eyes tight and tell myself...I am not to get back up...

Not to get back up and go to the window, no matter how much I'd like to.

Bon Bon 3/?

2008-08-18T16:20:49Z

Chad Rogers was probably the most inhumane, insufferable asshole I'd ever met.
...and I was dating him.

"I have a few more then three houses on the market right now...but if any of the guys in your father's agency wish to buy from me I would love to-" and it had gone on like this...if it was possible I was actually beginning to miss Ryo and his sense of self centeredness...even Kame would of sufficed, at least when he talked I could walk away-

"I'm sure my brothers are well housed." I only annunciate to see his reaction. I know back home having brothers and dating someone immediately enacts a nervous gesture (or should, BE AFRAID) in any boyfriend/girlfriend...
And in fact, it's true! I have what? ...More brothers then fingers?

"Yes, I suppose they are. But it's not like they have the best apartments. I can sell them those."

"And how did you get the best apartments in Japan?" I ask idly, sipping my soda- It would look like an innocent question...but really I'm planning on finding said houses and possibly burning them to the ground-

"The Japanese market is easier then the American market right now, anyone can buy land here." he's smiling and something inside of me has been blocked and I know why Johnny picked him...He looks like Jun.
Not Jun Matsumoto. No. Why would I give a crap about him?
I'm talking about Jun of PIERROT. Of Alvino..he looks like my old best frien guitarist and it stings like a terrible burn...

"Interesting...so you're rich here and there."

"Into money too, huh?" he's leaning toward me and it's all I can do not to fall backwards in my chair as I balance on the two back stands-

"Not really...I've always been more into non materialism."

"Smart girl, huh?" he chuckles.

"By any chance...how did you meet my father?" it's just a question, just like all my previous ones. But I swear to god. He turns pale and gets up-

"I have buisness to attend to. Nice talking to you, my dear." he kisses my cheek, "We should do this again."

and he's gone.

I don't know what I did or what on earth that was about...but I was beginning to wonder if my father was a member of the mafia.

"Ryutaro?" I blinked to see him plopped down right out front of the fancy restauraunt Sir Chad Rogers had taken me too-

"Hi..." he yawned, the poor thing was fall asleep...

"Let's get us home." I say giving him my hand and we march through the place...

"You look pretty..." Ryutaro smiles up at me and I smile back, squeezing his hand...

"Thanks sweetie, you don't look to bad yourself."

If it's possible for a 13 year old to be more mature then Chad Rogers...well, I wouldn't be surprised.

"Was he mean to you?" Ryutaro asked quietly...

"No, not really. He's pleasant." it's slightly a lie but what can I do? ...Ryutaro doesn't look it but he's like any child...a child needs borders and walls and I know for myself- a person to trust and believe is alright...

"When you..." he yawns pausing his question, "When you were in Jrock...what was it like?"

I suppose to any little boy the guitars, drums, base playing and cool outfits appeared ever so awesome-

"It was alright. I made friends. But people change, Ryutaro. People change in that business..." I couldn't believe how old and uncharming I sounded...

"And people don't change here?" Ryutaro's eyes are wide like a cute little golden retriever...What? I'm running out of metaphors...

"Nope, no one changes here." I smirk, "Only physically. You'll see...mentality is the same."

"I guess...but Yamada-kun won't change then?"

I shook my head, "Yamada can be whomever he very well wants, it's not my place to tell him otherwise."

"And you...won't change?" I pause at his question-

"I...I promise." I smile down at him.

"Dai-chan..." I had such a headache and his need to question me about everything was beginning to ware on me...

"Did he kiss you? Did he take you into his room? did he-"

"We had dinner and he left."

"What? So suddenly?" Dai-chan muttered to himself...

"I guess."

"Did he like have a doctor's appointment?"

"At 11:00 p.m.?"

"...maybe his doctor's a vampire." I was done.

"Thanks Dai-chan. But I'm fine. Loved talking to you but I have-"

"Sit." Dai-chan was not kidding around, "Yabu-kun hasn't been coming to work...and we heard about his trip a few days ago...why...why would he go?" he's back in my face, "Spill it!"

"What makes you think? ...I know..."

"Cashel. If anyone gets Yabu it's you and Jin. And I'm not about to risk my ass to Jin."

"Fair." I sigh wistfully, "He said he needed to get away...that's all."

"Get away...away from what?"

"I don't know, Dai-chan."

"Hmmm...the last thing to happen before his decision...was..."

"Look I have to go and-"

"CHAD!" Dai's fist comes down on the table making it rumble between us-

"Excuse me?"

"Chad! Chad Rogers! He left right after the announcement that you two were dating!" Dai-chan is beside himself...

"That doesn't make any sense? And so what..." I'm up, done with this foolishness. I have work to do, "Why would that matter?"

"But Chad, don't you see!"

"Bye Dai-chan!"

Dai-chan pouted down on the couch, "Yabu...you picked a tough one."

"Woah, looking a little down in the dumps huh?"

"Good morning Takaki."

"Good morning, what ever could be the matter, sweet princess?" he's moving me toward the chair but I pull away to stare out of terror at him-

"Please tell me your not gonna start talking like Inoo-"

"I'm not," he chuckles, "Sit sit."

We do and confrontation with Takaki is fine. He's calming, like a rippling stream or some summer breeze...But of course like any member of JE you have to know when to attack your prey when they least expect it-

"Yabu called."

I twitch.

"Did he?"

"Yes, he misses you." Takaki says, "But...I told him you were out."

"Well I was...last night."

Takaki stares at me for a long minute and then simply says, "Chad Rogers...huh."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? He's great...he's rich...he's-"

"You're only way to get that ring." smirked Takaki.

"I'm selfish, aren't I?" I ask...

"Selfish? ...no. Ryo Nishikido is selfish. You? You're just trying to hard." Takaki says-

"Trying to hard? Trying to hard for what?"

"To please your father...I wouldn't be surprised if you and Johnny had the same dreams, heartbeat, thoughts-"

"I get it. I get it." I whisk hair out of my face, "I just...do the others know this about me?"

"You'd be surprised how observant little 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 year olds can be."

It's a comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry..." Takaki rubs my back and I wonder why I had to turn to him...Out of all my brothers, I had to turn to the one who was defiantly more of a friend then anything...

"It's been a mess around here anyway," With Yabu leaving, "With you know...the younger ones blaming themselves."

"They are?"

"Yup." Takaki mutters, "Especially Yamada. Poor kid."

"Yamada?"

"He looked up to Yabu...and this kind of weakness isn't tolerated."

"But it's not weakness," I was totally lost, "Yabu went to England like Jin went to America..." Takaki stares at me for a very long time, as if expecting to see something...

"Sure he did." Takaki gets up and pats me on the head as if I'm not a few months younger then him-

"I have my coming of age project to work on..."

That was right, Takaki was coming into the full stream of the age where Johnny took you completely into the spotlight and made you a star...This included Takaki showing the best of himself and writing a solo to prove it...

"Good luck." I offer-

"Thanks, kiddo. But I suggest you focus on your own problems."

I know what he means...being human resources for JE was not easy at this point...

"where would Yamada be..."

"HEY!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" Hikaru's voice could of halted traffic but it didn't work on me. No, I was not going to let him tell me he was going to England too and-

"Stop." he pulled me to the small janitor closet and smirked at me like I had done this..."So what did you want?"

"YOU PULLED ME IN HERE!" I snap at him.

"Alright, alright..." he's still smiling and I glower at him-

"Why are you so happy?" I'm not normally so cruel but really...shouldn't he be a little upset about his best friend leaving...Yabu and him have worked together for ages...

Hikaru's face falls at my question, "I'm here..with you?"

"That is not the point and you know it."

"Cashel," Hikaru sighs wistfully, "Look...this whole Chad Rogers thing...I'm not running away from it! I'm not like him! I'm going to figure this out!"

"Oh believe me, Chad isn't running."

"Cashel!" Hikaru has my hands in his and I know he demands my complete attention, "With Yabu gone...I've been trying to find the right way to tell you this..."

"So you're going to tell me this in a janitor closet?" I look around-

"It has to be kept quiet." he said firmly, his bottom lip sticking out and I kinda want to pinch it if just to see his reaction-

"I..." he takes a deep breath, steadies himself and moves in for the kill-

"I love you."

"Excuse me?"

"I love you."

"Hikaru..."

"Please..just hear me out. All my life, I've been behind Yabu...Not once have I had a chance to shine in your eyes...so with him gone let me-"

"Let you what?"

"Let me prove myself as a man!" he's serious, completely and totally serious...I'd laugh if I wasn't in a hurry...

"I'm sorry...Hikaru. I have to go."

"Please..." Hikaru leans forward and presses his lips against mine, that bottom lip is so close and yet I can only push him away roughly-

"I'm sorry...I can't- Bye!" I rush out the janitor closet door and poor Hikaru is left there staring after me...

"Yamada?" I cry running around all of JE looking for him. Hikaru...what an idiot...why did he have to do that? I'm dating Chad, I can't just up and go off with him! This is impossible and it tears me apart- Why would he do this too me-

As I pause to catch my breath I see Yamada finally. He's with some man...I blink and sidle up behind a piece of wall that juts out...what on earth...

"It's good to see you, Dad..." Yamada smiles up at his father...

"Well it seems anyone can get lost here." laughs the man.

Father..and son?

"Your sisters are waiting for you...will you becoming out today?"

"No, I'm afriad I can't...buisness has been terribly...well awful lately and I-"

This is when Cashel chooses to spice things up a little-

"Hey Yamada-kun!~" if looks could kill Yamada would of had me suffocated only for me to wake up and for him to tear every piece of skin off my body- Luckily I caught my footing and smiled up at the man-

"You're his father, sir?" I smiled, "And I'm-"

"I know who you are!" chuckles the man...Interesting he seems nice. How on earth did Yamada come from this- As if sensing my thought process Yamada growled lowly at me-

"Well, it's fantastic to meet you! Yamada-kun is just awesome! But you already know that...since he's ever so popular!"

"Yes it seems so." smiles the man, "Are you...two..." he looks between us and I realise his conclusion...why else would I be here visiting his son unless something was going on-

"Not at all!" I chirp, "See I have a boyfriend! And Yamada-"

"She's terribly pregnant." Yamada chides in and pulls his father to the door.

Oh, that little son of a bitch-

"Well! Yamada...why not go out with your dad!"

"I can't!"

I can do one better Yamada.

"Yes, you can..."

He freezes and Yamada as if undera spell turns to the door, father beside him and shouts behind him, "I'm going out! Bye!!!"

I blink...floored but the last part I mumble to myself is-

"I don't look pregnant..."

Bon Bon 2/?

2008-08-18T04:37:13Z

"You need a healthy diet! Open!" Cashel pointed the chopstick of broccoli at Ryutaro's mouth..."Say ah, sweetie-"

"No." Ryutaro pouted...

"Please?"

...Ryutaro slowly opened his mouth and swallowed down the brocolli as Cashel popped it into his mouth...Yamada sighed wistfully on the couch near them, he just wish they'd get a room...Not like Cashel was dating Ryutaro...But if she loved him so DAMN much...she might as well.

"What's a matter, Yama-chan?" Takaki smirked, he was resting his feet on the couch as Yuto sat on the table in the center of the three couches in their studio...

"Nothing that matters to you." Yamada snapped.

"No need to be so cruel." Takaki chuckled, he was used to such ridiculous antics from Yamada...After all the boy always seemed to have PMS...

"I think Yama-chan wants to have broccoli fed to him too!" giggled Yuto clapping his hands together, giving Yamada a chance to strike out at his back and make him fall of the table-

"Watch what you say, it'll come back to haunt you." Yamada growled, "It just so happens I hate brocolli..."

"I know!" chirped Cashel getting up and dropping a bowl of eggplant onto his lap...Yamada stared up at her, he would look like he was ready to kill her if it wasn't for his shock...his favorite...food...eggplant... "Did you think I was going to just bring stuff for Ryutaro's diet! You love this stuff right? It's not my style...but I had some right there in the grocery store so-"

"Whatever." snapped Yamada, throwing the case to the side and sideling uncomfortably away from her...

"Well..." she sighed looking too it, "I'll leave it with you. Just return the case to Pi when your done."

"Don't mind him, Cashes!" Dai-chan appeared covering her ears- She spun, curls fling around her face, "He's just grumpy!"

"Is that right?" Inoo pretended he'd heard all the conversation, but with each gentlemanly stride he took it was as if he just could know, "Jealous of Purge appearing maybe?"

"Purge?" She made a face, she didn't recognize the name-

"Wow, Cashel...I thought you were American?" joked Takaki, "Purge is a big punk band back home for you, right?"

"Angriest band in America."

"Ah, well...I'm here..." I motion around me, "In Johnnys...Pop? Boy bands...not really up my alley."

"Yeah...Nothing is really up your alley is it?" Yamada glowered-

"What do you mean?"

Yamada shrugged and whisked past me but bristled simply, "You can't stick with just one band."

"Ignore him." Inoo scoffed, "So Cashel...I hear you're getting engaged?"

"Am I?" she sighed...just thinking about it made her feel sick...

"I will go through the door with you
I’m sure there’ll be a miracle rolling around only there..."

It's Takaki, reading off of some lyric page...He grins up at my confused expression, "Just practicing."

"Ah, well good luck! All of you!" she bows quickly and scurries out the door- not looking back to see Yamada digging into the eggplant.

No one really knows just how close I am to Keito.
Just how much trust I have in him, and just how much I share my daily trifes with him...Why?
You see a normal person may see Keito as a rich, spoiled, english raised boy who's father worked for Johnny and thus wanted his son to do the same-
And the reason people see him this way?
It's because he's all of that. ALL OF IT.

"Been there." he's blunt and to the point when I confront him about Chad and how much of a monster he is-

"AND REAL ESTATE?! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!" I'm spinning around in circles on the roof just so I don't have to stay still have him remind me to stop fidgeting...

"I guess...but then again, he's big here and in Europe and even America..." Keito is picking at his bento box, I know in a heartbeat he'd trade his chopsticks just like me for a good old corndog...oh, the english...where did we go wrong?

"Maybe." I stop spinning to glare at him, "But Johnny brought me up in this music buisness..." I know he can relate, his eyes flicker elsewhere as I continue, "Even Miyavi wanted me in music...so to suddenly force me toward this pig of a real estate agent..."

"It could be worse." Keito grumbles throwing the bento box to the side and standing up.

"Oh, please!" I'm gruff and annoyed, why won't he take my side? He should know better then ANYONE what it's like to have Johnny control your life! His Dad hangs on Johnny's every word!

"It could..." Keito folds his arms challengeing me to keep arguing, "Look...whatever it is you'll be fine. I'm not about to let you get married to some jerk and none of the others are either."

I sigh. By others he means the other bands...Personally I want to argue and remind him most members of the other bands (with a few exceptions) want to tear my guts to shreds...

"Why can't you just say...'oh, Cashel! I'm so sorry! I know we can go throw rocks at him!'..." I pout and Keito grips my shoulder tightly as if mentally shaking me from my mood...

"Because I'm your friend. And I don't want to lead you astray with such lies." he removes his hand and turns to the door from the roof to the floors below, "And it's something no one else in Johnny would be willing to do for you. Deal with it for now...we'll figure it out."

"Thanks Keito." I murmur, but it's geniune and he waves me off.

No one knows our secret meetings like this about his Dad or mine...it's always the same. Quiet and specific. Which is only natural for both of us...After all, being caught with any of the others privately would mean the press might get a wiff and then my relationship (TRUE LOVE FOR SURE) with Chad Rogers would be ruined! OH THE TRAGEDY. ~~I gotta stop hanging around Yamada...I'm getting cynical.~~

"CASHEL! CASHEL!"
Oh, Chinen. Who doesn't love sweet little Chinen?
...Well, I'll tell ya. At 7:00 in the morning his voice is certainly not on the top of my list...

"Yes, Chinen?" I grumble, I'm sleepy and my eyes flicker shut at the exact moment he squeaks it out-

"Is it true? Are you gonna get the ring? ARE YOU?!" he's bouncing up and down and I check around the hallway corner for any sign of the people who must of drugged him to make him act this way at 7:00 a.m....No one. Not even a scent of Inoo or Jin.

Damn and I was looking forward to a bust.

"I dunno." I sigh, "I just haven't thought much on it." I admit.

"But you're dating Chad Rogers for it, right?" Chinen is so into all this stuff I wonder why he's not working for the press...and if he's really as young as he says he is...maybe he's an alien...maybe he secretly-

"Chinen." I take a deep breath...how was this supposed to go? Oh...right, "I'm dating Chad Rogers because I love him." even to me I sounded like a robot...

"Riiiight." Chinen giggled, "Cashelly! When you get the ring I wanna see it, kay?" and he runs off...I watch him go because I know for certain every detail about my young counterpart...He is not as innocent as he looks....

A word for the wise?
DO NOT JUDGE A CHINEN BY IT'S COVER. End Footnote.

"You look tired?" chuckles Inoo, humoring me seems to be his most excellent skill.

"Do I?" I muse, "You're ever so observant."

"Cashel...You are beginning to sound like Yamada..." Inoo looks worried and I bite back anymore remarks-

"Sorry. Long night. Long day..."

"Long week?" Inoo offers and helps me sit down...

"I guess. You hear about Chad too?"

"Of course." Inoo says this like a true gentlemen should, a whisk of his hand and the small gentle smile to accompany it...I feel like I'm sitting with James Bond...And I'm not liking it.

"Look, it's great and everything...I'm happy..."

"Are you? The poor lady has to patiently be with whomever the great king inquires and her loyal servants can only-"

"Okay. You can STOP talking like that."

"Talking like what?" Inoo asked innocently.

"We're done here." I got up and marched off.

Inoo just smiled after me...Ever the gentlemen. And the puzzle. What was with the manners? Was he gay? Shouldn't he be playing football and punching other guys into walls? ...where was his testerone...

I'm so American it makes me sick.

"BON! BON! BON!!!!!!!" Yuto is his usual ball of cheerful bright sunny sun happy-go-lucky positively obnoxious- (did I miss any description there...) Well he was just being Yuto-

"Yuto? What are you doing?" I'm walking away from the KAT-TUN studio I was about to enter to ask Nakamaru if he had any gum when I'd spotted my cheerful friend bouncing around on the couch nearest the bed springs...I counted in my head how long it would take for it to take break underneath him-

"BON! BON! BON!"

"YUTO!"

"I can't hear you! BON BON!!!" Yuto screeched, giggling like crazy, "I'm flying see!"

"Sure you are..."

"I AM! I'm gonna listen to my heart see?" he jumps down and I swear the ground has shaken underneath me...

"And what does your heart say?" I need not only gum from Nakamaru now, but I think I'll ask Ueda for some aspirin for this growing headache-

"BON! BON!" he cheers and I curse-

"Bon...bon?"

"YES!"

"I thought it went Doki! Doki! ?" I made the hand motion and everything and he just looked at me like I was the one jumping up and down on my boss's furniture...

"NO. See, Doki doki is everyone...all the same. It's so boring!" Yuto shouts and a few shouts from other studio's around us-

"SHUT UP YUTO! GO AWAY!"

"BON! BOOOOOON!"

Yuto is unstoppable and I sigh..."You lost me."

"Bon! Bon!" Yuto demands, "I'm different! See!"

"Sure...but I really don't think-"

"BON! BON! My heart is special...it beats for things I can't have and things I will keep working for! Till I die!" Yuto chirps-

"That...was probably the most pessimistic thing you have ever said." I'm in awe, I wish I had a witness but since everyone else in the building is just trying to avoid Yuto I'm alone...

"BON! BON!" Yuto cheers and he's off again, in search of a new piece of furniture to find...

"Weirdo." I grunt.

"Hey!" I peek my head into KAT-TUN's studio and freeze to see the scene there in...Thewy are having a party...and it clearly isn't for me.

"Yabu?" I'm confused as to why he's here too...what's going on?

"Hi Cashel! We were celebrating you and Chad!" Kame explains he offers me a party hat and I push it away...

"Me and Chad?" if blood could actually boil my skin would have welts by now.

"Yup! We can now move on with our friendship, right? FAMILY FOREVER!" Kame is yet again talking to much and I think the rest of the band can tell...

"Why don't you sit down, Cashel? Take a load off?" it's Jin and I glare at him-

"Me and Chad, Jin? REALLY."

Jin shrugs, "He seemed alright."

"Oh? Really? YOU WANNA DATE HIM?"

"Now now...no need to get jealous." I'm mad but Ueda's cool voice has snapped the lid in quarters I glower at Yabu-

"Well...I guess they just wanted to surprise you?" he offers reassuringly-

"WELL THANKS. I'm plenty surprised." I spit at him and I push out the door. Fuck them. Fuck all of them-

Yabu grabs my wrist and spins me around, "I need to talk to you."

"I'm not interested." I pull away but he pulls me back. Damn he's strong.

"Cashel..." he stares into my eyes with those big cute almost almond colored eyes and I'm no longer boiling...only simmering...

"What." It's an order. I want him to say what he has to say so I can continue being mad at him.

"I'm leaving." he says.

"What?"

"I didn't want to tell you outright...but I have too. See..." he's trying to explain but I don't want one. I don't want an explantion, I just want him to stay! STAY HERE.

"You can't...where are you going-"

"England."

"ENGLAND?"

"Yeah...Jin went to America for a little while..." he tries-

"SO THIS IS JIN'S FUCKING FAULT-" I'm about kick one of the gayest and most popular men in my father's companie's gay ass when Yabu stops me-

"No. Not him. It's me. I need to go." he's looking me over and wanting to say something else...but I need to calm down to figure it out...but I can't...I can only think...he's leaving...

"Why...I don't want you to go..." I cry and push him into the wall...

"Calm down..." he pleads with me ruffling my hair but I'm not calm, I'm just more upset...

"I'll beat you up..." I threaten.

"I'm a bit bigger now." he reminds me...I know why he's smiling, he's trying to do it for both of us...that big dumb jerk-

"Doesn't matter..." I remember it like it were yesterday...

I wonder why I am here and why I’m with you?
I wonder why I am here and why I’m laughing with you?
I want to always, always be here like this...

"WHAT'S THAT FAGGOT?" the snap was cold and cruel...
When I'd looked up at the resounding age of 12...I'd seen some of the older boys picking on poor little Yabu...
He got kicked in the stomach and flopped to the ground as they grabbed his lyrics and tore them apart...
Tears stained his little cheeks and although he was older then me by quite a few months...
I marched right over there, Justice had to be served.

"CUT IT OUT! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!" I'm furious and my little pig tails show that quite clearly-

"Awww, if it ain't a little girl-"

"YOU'RE A LITTLE GIRL!" I snap-

"AM NOT!" snapped the boy, "DON'T CALL ME A LITTLE GIRL!"

"You called me one first." I put my hands on my hips and waited for the move to be made-

"I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL-" one of the bullies swung out at me and I took his arm and slammed up behind his back- he smacked into the side of playground board and sunk to the sand...his little friend's screeched and raced off to most likely tattle on me...However, one nice thing about being 12 and having Johnny for a Dad...none of that mattered. I won.

"Here ya go." I reached out a hand and helped him up...back then I only knew english really so it was a pain...

Young Yabu pulled his hand away and shifted uncomfortably, "Gee, thanks." he wasn't pleased...

"Hey! I saved you...you could thank me?"

"Why..."

"I saw you in trouble...And I mean your nice! So I thought..." I tried to explain-

"Nobody likes a nice guy." snapped young Yabu...picking up the empty lyric pages...

"I don't...think that's true...I mean...I like you?" I'd smiled...

We can’t shine alone, we can’t be hurt alone either
I hold shared loveliness dear to me

"No thanks." Yabu was so strict on himself back then, he glared away from me, "After all...Now everyone's gonna think I need a girl to save me."

To tell you the truth the memory ends with me punching him in the stomach for him to keel over...maybe not the nicest of memories...but I hold it dear just because I later found out who I beat up...was the future Ryo Nishikido and Subaru of Kanjani8....good memories...

"I'm older now..." he says fondly and pushes me away so I have to look at him again, "And I need to go to England...I have too."

"But WHY?"

"I...have my reasons...I need to get away for a little while...okay?" he kisses my forehead like a fond older brother would I can't believe he's the only one who can do that so I don't think of Kirito when he does it-

"Okay...I'll miss you?"

"Me too." he smiles, "Miss you, I mean."

I wonder why I am here and why me?
I wonder why I am here and why I’m alive?
I don’t mind, I don’t mind even if there is no answer

"Okay...do the others know?" I mean Hey! Say! JUMP obviously...

"No, tell them for me...will you?" he gives me one more hug and then he's gone. And I'm left...here alone...

Just me and Johnny, nine other boys, KAT-TUN, NewS, and of course...

Chad Rogers.

Bon Bon 1/?

2008-08-17T00:44:00Z

I'm going to say this as simply as I can...
Explaining something like this is hard because when one does it over and over it tends to ware on them and they feel it is anything but real...
So I'll try my best, no, I will say exactly how this is-

I won't be corny...and lame.
I won't say music and effort changed here or anywhere. I won't say our smiles brightened....All I'll say is the silent thought we all share...
The quiet proof of change...
There is no lyric or music piece or equivalent when this happened it...

Oh yeah, because there is you...

I wasn't always a pop girl.
Most people at my age, 17 would kill for a rock concert ticket just so they look cooler then cool...But not me. OH no. My father's buisness is what's important- and not even my real dad...It's complicated. But if you know me...you know...

You would know why I'm presently knocking on the door to Apartment room 3302...Why I'm shaking with cold chlorine water droplets and why on earth I'm smiling like crazy...Why I keep mumbiling to myself-

"Bon, Bon, Bon, Bon~" "Bon, Bon, Bon, Bon~"

"Cashel?" the door has swung open and now Kaoru in no more then his Pajama bottoms stares at my shivering wet form-

"Good afternoon!" I giggle and he whisps me into his apartment, tutting and clucking over me like a mother hen...

"Are you sick?" he asks, as he settles me down onto the couch, it'll be soaked through for sure but I can only smile goofily and repeat over and over-

"Bon, Bon, Bon, Bon~" "Bon, Bon, Bon, Bon~"

"KYO!" Kaoru snaps and Kyo, lead singer of the angriest Japansese band known to man kind steps out from their shared bedroom...glances me over once as I keep mumbiling and with a swift sigh and shrug grabs a towel off the rack and throws it over my head-

"Help me! We gotta dry her off-" Kaoru begs-

"No." Kyo says smugly, he's always loved putting up a fight, "She clearly got into this mess on her own."

"And she needs our help!"

"I'm fine." I glower at Kaoru and look to Kyo still smiling that crazy smile, "He has no idea how fine I am!"

"How fine are you?" Kyo is just playing along, humoring me...but for once I don't care! I don't care what he thinks of me, or how much of a mess I am, or even why I feel like crying and laughing and which one is more appropriate...it doesn't matter..

"I'm so fine you have no idea! It's great!" I jump up and chirp with great energy.

"Did PIERROT reform or something?" Kyo grumbled, "Did I miss something?"

"Not PIERROT." I turn to glare at him, his lack of energy is trying to drag me down but it can't, I'm flying, I'm so high- "I have something better! So much better-"

"And what might that be?" Kaoru muses... "At the rate you're going the only thing you have is a chance of catching hypothermia..."

I shake him off and raise my hand to my cheek- It's their brighter then day...
The ring...
Black emblem in the middle with two symbols of silver intertwined about the ring finger-

"The ring of Johnny?"

Both are silent since this means everything...we all know it.
Kyo and Kaoru being the greatest friends to me in my past relationships of Jrock...It's no wonder I've come to them after all that's happened...

"What...how did you...get it?"

"Look!" I stuff it in there faces, it gleams and sparkles, "It's brillant!"

"But...how?"

"I did it without any of you!" I announce and they look at each other and back at me...

"Well...we we're going to help you..." it was true, Kyo and Kaoru had offered to help me gain respect from JE and thus get me to the position one gets to wear the amazing ring of Johnny!

My mother had one. The symbol around her black jewel was circles...Circles to symbolize how many she'd gone in to get to where she was...still unhappy.
Johnny of course had the symbol of stars for the fantastic nature of himself.
Pi, my brother had one as well...His symbol was a triangle...He'd climbed to the top of said pyramid to achieve his position...
...and me now...

"HEARTS?!"

To say JE was easy buisness was not only an understatement it was a sick thing to even consider...As Johnny's only daughter I had a form to uphold and that was NOT to abandon or walk away from any one group...doing this would and could throw that group into complete and total chaos. Fans respected me and as I had yet to really let any of them down...I had fallen in love with many boys here but as always the relationship stilled and was never made public...For this I was seen as a girl who could keep her hands off and even keep the fan's eyes in mine.

So to walk away...from KAT-TUN was the worst thing I could do...

"I suggest not leaving...just breaking." my brother Pi had my back regardless of wether I wished for his advice or not...

"I'm fine with that...but what if I mess up?" I ask him...

"You won't." he says and marches past me with no more hints.

What could be so sudden to break me away from KAT-TUN? To break me and turn me away from a group who have given me so much...the same thing could be said for PIERROT...

Something better.

"If you do this for me my dear child...I will be ever so thankful." Johnny bows to me! ME! Johnny has never liked me. And I'm not normally a sell out but since they say I can still work alongside KAT-TUN, "You won't be leaving completely...You may return as always...but it must be rare and friendly. Understood?"

"So...what does this include?" I'm confused but not thinking as the glint of Johnny's ring has completely captrued my attention- and how couldn't it? It's up to my face...I can't look away...

"This...is something you want isn't it?" he's wrong and I open my mouth to say so, I don't need to be distingushed, "You want this because people will know you as my daughter..."

"No I don't-"

"You will be better then anyone with this on your finger...and everyone in Jrock."

Everyone..in...Jrock...Kirito.

"Everyone?"

"Yes, everyone."

"What do I need to do?" I ask wide eyed- Johnny lowers his hand and he smirks at Pi and my mother who stand barely to the side...Waiting for me to become one of them...

"You need to get married."

I'm not interested.
No, I'm not even remotly interested but it's a lie. A terrible lie and I accept before I can think of anything better-

"Thatta girl!" smiles Pi and he pats my back..."I'll tell KAT-TUN the news."

"Who's the lucky guy?" I ask Johnny...

"A friend of mine..." Great, so he's like what? Fifty?

"Okay...Um...well I'd rather...not?" I offer-

"You merely have to date him. In fact, I've set up a wonderful situation for you. He's already told the public of your coming relationship!"

"WHAT?!" I'm terrified, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!"

"Well, he was excited about making it public..." Johnny smiles and I could punch him in the face...but I know the minute that ring is on my finger I can!

"His name is Chad Rogers, shall we?" he grins widely at Nami who clicks on the TV and the screen flickers to life... I feel sick at the sight of the picture in it...It's of me sleeping...who took that where did...

I think I'm going to be sick.